It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood and I find myself happy and anxious for the gifts that today will bring. Life is good!
Mariah is back at school, so I am alone for the most part, during the day! Though I relish in the quiet comfort of home, at times, I am quiet lonely. It's all good, though, I have lots to keep me occupied....Thankfully, this is Mark's last week of day shift and next week, we go back to nights. I like it when he works nights....Mark and I actually get more time together and I get to spend quality time with my daughter, in the evenings.
God has been blessing me with better health and I am happy about that. I do, though, still have a compressed nerve in my left trapezious (the muscle on top of the shoulder blade) that's causing me much aggravation. It hurts, in varying degrees, pretty much all the time. The pain shoots down my left arm and has severely affected the use of my left hand. My pinky and my ring finger are all but useless! It's frustrating, especially when I can't sleep at night. My doc says that it should correct itself with time and rest.
I am still low carbing, with much success....I have been at it for a little more than two months and as of the beginning of the month, I had lost 38 pounds. I do not have a working scale, here at the house and for me, that's a good thing, because I am scale obsessive....I see Doctor Star again in a couple of weeks, I'll have a better idea of how much more I've lost, when I see her again. I also started taking Januvia for my diabetes, about a month ago and so far, I love the effects it has on my condition.
Right now, though, I have become ineligible for gastric bypass surgery! I am losing weight, naturally and my doctor says that gastric is for people who just cannot lose weight on their own.....and that's okay with me. Even with insurance, it's an expensive surgery and I am faithful that God is Greater than my fat! I just need to be faithful to my God and to my life plan and when the world comes in and the enemy is foolin with my mind, I will draw closer to the One who holds my life in His hands. No matter what I think or feel, my life is for His glory! We went to the Alameda County Fair, in early July and I met a woman there, called Barbara. She was selling orthotics. When I told her I was planning on having bypass surgery, she said something to me, that made me think....She said, "You can go and have that surgery....You can have the doctors cut you up and take out parts and rearrange parts, but it will never ever solve the real problem....." It seriously made me think! My problem is my addiction to food and though surgery would make it so that I physically cannot take in as much food and make it so my body doesn't absorb food the way it should, my addiction is still there....I use food as a comforter....as a compatriot....as a shield....as a friend and so much more. I turn to food, when I should be turning to God. I have allowed food to become my false god and that's sin, plain and simple. Surgery or not, I have to solve the problem.....I have used food to cope with many things.....the rejection of my family, my self loathing and self hatred, everyday stuff that just grates at me, my pain and my sadness have all been stuffed to overfill with food. Matthew 11 28-30 spells it out, completely......
Matthew 11:28-30
New King James Version (NKJV)
28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
My yoke has NEVER been easy and my burden is NOT light.....It never has been!! But in the midst of it all, here stands Jesus, saying to me....Come to me, Lisa and let me ease your burden. He doesn't tell me to go to the surgeon....He says Come to Me.....In my life, rejection has been keynote and I have never been treated gently (there have been a few...My sweet cousin Ginny, my Auntie Kay, my Pastor Dave, my blessed husband and my cherished daughter, my sisters Laura and Darcie, my own personal angels Bebe and Karen...gentle souls, all of them and a blessing to me, everyday!!)...People have always been really good at pointing out everything that they've seen as being wrong in me....It's made me angry and sad, it's made me judgmental and hurtful and to those whom I have hurt, as a knee-jerk result of dealing with my own hurting heart, I beg forgiveness. I am starting to learn, from Jesus, to take up His yoke and finally, finally find the rest for my soul. Kathy Trocolli sings a song, called "My Life is In Your Hands" and as I listened to it, this morning, hands raised and tears flowing, I realized that my life is truly in His hands....
Life can be so good
Life can be so hard
Never knowing what each day
Will bring to where you are
Sometimes I forget
And sometimes I can't see
That whatever comes my way
You'll be with me
My life is in Your hands
My heart is in Your keeping
I'm never without love
Not when my future is with You
My life is in Your hands
And though I may not see clearly
I will lift my voice and sing
Cause Your love does amazing things
Lord, I know, my life is in Your hands
Nothing is for sure
Nothing is for keeps
All I know is that Your love
Will live eternally
So I will find my way, yes
And I will find my peace
Knowing that You'll meet my every need
My life is in Your hands
My heart is in Your keeping
I'm never without love
Not when my future is withYou
My life is inYour hands
And though I may not see clearly
I will lift my voice and sing
Cause Your love does amazing things
Lord, I know, my life is in Your hands
When I'm at my weakest Lord
You carry me
Then I become my strongest Lord
In Your hands
My life is in Your hands
And though I may not see clearly
I will lift my voice and sing
Cause Your love does amazing things
Lord, I know, my life is in Your hands
I trust you Lord
My life is in Your hands
Such great words.....I am learning to let go of my obsessions with food. I am laying my life in His hands....I've blown it, more than a few times, but it's all in the learning. I don't punish myself for my weakness, I move forward, relying on His strength and again, learning what triggers my disobedience. I am learning to lean and I'm learning to rest. For most of my life, I've seen myself as less....Less worthy of love, less beautiful than others, less important to my loved ones, less necessary than most.....but in His kingdom, I have begun to see myself as MORE.....more than a conqueror through Him who loves me.....Romans chapter 8 Rocks my Socks!!
Well sports fans, this is all for today.....I need to catch a few more Zzzzs!! Take care and love each other, as He loves.....
Many Blessings,
In Him....
Lisa
