The best thing about a personal relationship with God is that He is a God of second chances....And thirds and fourths and fifths and four hundred and eighty seconds.......So here I am, on the precipice, looking out over the road of my new sojourn. Right now, I can see that that road leads through some rocky places and I see that the path is steep....the climb is going to be difficult....So I look to my left and there stands Jesus, right next to me.....His eyes are full of compassion...His words speak of forgiveness and of hope. His arms are strong enough to carry me, when I cannot find the feet to move forward and He promises to never ever leave me.
Psalm 91: 14-16
14 “Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him;
I will set him on high, because he has known My name.
15 He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him,
And show him My salvation.”
My weight has always been an issue, for me. Since I was young, I've been instructed about it, discriminated against, because of it....Teased and tormented, passed over......My weight bothers me....It makes me feel different. It makes me feel sick. It makes me sad. I know God loves me, no matter what I look like.....He created me. I am His creation. He loved me so much that He bought me...He purchased me with the blood of His only Son. I am a work of the Most High.
Romans 14:20
20 Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All things indeed are pure, but it is evil for the man who eats with offense.
Offense: something that outrages the moral or physical senses.
So my eating....my act of being fat is sin!! I have heard this before!! I'd lie to myself, saying that God loves me...He made me.....He made me who and what I am. He made me to love food. Why would He condemn me, if He made me who I am?? It's only been the past couple of days that I've realized that it wasn't me, lying to myself....It was Satan, convincing me that it was okay. My love of food has become my stronghold.....My love of food has set a barrier between my God and myself. Satan is loving this, but I am ashamed!! I am ashamed!! I have ruined His work....I have defiled His temple with sin. I traded my salvation for cheeseburgers, ice cream, pizza and mashed potatoes......Wow....very sobering. Very sobering, indeed. I've traded my salvation for food. It's become my god....thing is? This god will not save me....this god will not get me into Heaven. This god will not heal me or give me strength or comfort.... It's only going to lead me directly to the charbroiler.....I know....I've said it all before. I've said it, but I've never believed it!! How could God condemn me over a Double Cheeseburger and Fries......why shouldn't he? I'm destroying something He built.....Something He loved enough to give up His most precious gift to save and I'm sitting there, throwing that away!!
Father God, forgive me for my folly!! I am a fool, playing a fool's game.....I repent of my addiction to and obsession for food and I ask you to fill me in it's stead, with Your loving kindness and Your grace. Wash me clean and sanctify me to Your service. Strengthen me, when I feel weak. Let me see Your true heart and let me hear Your true voice. In the blessed name of Jesus, I pray....Amen.
Today is the beginning of another new journey for me....I'm trading my shame for the Joy of the Lord....I'm no longer living to eat, I am eating to live. I have to follow a low carbohydrate diet, because of my diabetes and I have to exercise, to increase my ability to support my weight and I have to live.....Not just exist...I have to live. No more offensive eating and God is now my obsession and my addiction. I will always love food.....It's my belief that God made me to love food to bless others, though.....I had a vision in Church on Sunday....and by the way, the front row, organ side is a great place to get visions....I was cooking for a huge banquet and Jesus Himself was the guest of honor. I kept asking Jesus how I could continue to love food and use it, to glorify Him instead of destroying myself.....He said one thing to me....In a voice I will remember for the rest of my days...."Lisa, if you love me, feed my sheep....feed my lambs" and then it dawned on me: In the past, I have gotten much joy out of eating....but I have gotten much more joy feeding others, than I've ever had in feeding myself. So tomorrow, when I see Pastor Dave, I will tell him about this revelation and how God is moving me to bring it to the masses.....I have a place in God's kingdom and I have a gift to share with others. I am not less, because there is more of me and my love for food is now replaced with a love for God and a love for His people.....Please pray for me, my friends as God continues to bring me Loaves and Fish to deliver to His children, so that His glory, His power, His love and compassion is revealed!!
I am off to fix a moderate lunch and then off to the gym and the post office.....
My friends, love each other, the way He loves and please, remember my Loaves and Fish, in your prayers.....
In Him,
Lisa
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