In My Daughter's Eyes......

On My Daughter's Eyes-Martina McBride
In my daughter's eyes I am a hero,
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see,
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be
In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light and the
world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me
gives me strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand
around my finger
It puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about

It's hangin' on when your heart
has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes I can see the future
A reflection of who I am and what will be
Though she'll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you see how happy
she made me
For I'll be there
In my daughter's eyes

This song means so much to me.....I always wanted to be a mom...to raise children of my own, but God had other plans for my life. Though I didn't end up with children of my own, I ended up with a beautiful blessing, sent straight from God. Mark's daughter Mariah, has been in my life since she was four years old. I don't know how many of you have ever been a stepmom. We don't have the best of reputations....We don't have the easiest of jobs, either. It's been about three years now, that Mariah and I have been close. Mark and I had about six months of rough in 2007 and it was then, that Mariah really started to warm to me. I did a lot of changing in those six months as well and that could have been the harbinger for the changes in our relationship. One of the best memories I have of Mariah, in the early years of her life is when she was five. I took her (along with my sister and my niece) to Disneyland, in November. They had just started doing Christmas things at Disneyland and we got to see the Christmas fireworks. After the fireworks, they played "I'll Be Home For Christmas" and it "snowed" on Main Street I picked Mariah up and we danced in the "snow"and then she laid her head on my shoulder and said "I really love you, Momma"....That was the day I began to feel real!! If you don't know what I mean by feeling real, read this: http://digital.library.upenn.edu/women/williams/rabbit/rabbit.html...Things haven't been easy for Mariah and I....These kind of relationships are seldom easy. I have always told her that I didn't want to be her Mommy....Jen is her Mommy....I only wanted to be her friend. She started calling me Momma, on that trip to Disneyland and then stopped and called me Lisa, up until two years ago, when she started calling me Momma again. Mariah is fourteen now!! She visits us every summer, from Texas, for two months. It's easy to tuck her into our lives and difficult to part with her, when her time with us is up. I remember, last year, as I watched her plane taxi out onto the runway, I wanted to run out onto the tarmac and make them turn around and give my baby back to me. When I watched the plane climb into the sky, I felt like a piece of me, a piece of my heart that I wanted and needed, was being torn away and thrown to the wind!! I don't remember walking through the terminal, back to the car!!
She got her own cell phone, this winter and now, we talk almost every day, either via text message or over the air. I want so much for her....she is not the flesh of my flesh and she is not the bone of my bone......she is the desire of my heart.

The day after tomorrow, we will go and pick her up from the airport. We will be a family again and all will be right in the world. Mark and I live for these next two months. Mariah is loved by our friends and our church family....she's basically spoiled to life and sweetly indulged in all the love and attention we can pay her. I am so thankful to my Heavenly Father for making me a momma to this young lady!! I'm proud of her and I watch in awe, as she grows into womanhood. Last year, when she came, I complimented her, on her manners.....She was just being very respectful to people and very polite and mannerly and I told her that I was proud, that she was learning good things from her mother and she said to me, "Mommy didn't teach me these manners, I learned them from you" That was the most significant compliment I've ever received in my entire life.....I just wanted to take this time and reflect on some of the things my daughter has meant to me, these past 10 years....the ways she's changed me. I am happy to be a stepmom, that my daughter opened her heart and gave me the opportunity to love her.

Well, it's another day of chores!! I'm cleaning my living room and bathroom and then going upstairs to attempt to scale clothesonthefloor mountain.....I guess I'll talk to you all, tomorrow.....Love as He loves !!
In Him,
Lisa

Submission? YES!!

Good Monday Afternoon, my faithful webbies!! I am wishing you much joy and much peace this afternoon....I am in a good place. I spent a lot of time, honestly communicating with Mark yesterday and I believe we are finally on the same page!! To tell you the truth, I don't think I could get any happier....Well, maybe if I were taken up in the rapture, right now, that might make me happier.....Father deliver me from dirty dishes and having to bake bread, today!! Seriously, I have been trying to get Mark to step into the dominant husband/household leader role for three years now and at last, we have come to the conclusion that I would be a much happier and productive wife if he were more insistent and I was more submissive.....I grew up with very dominant parents. I learned to be submissive, subservient even, to my father, especially. My father was an "I say jump and you say how high" man. I learned that domination meant security,comfort and a sense of well-being. Now, as a wife, having to be "on my own" so to speak has made me feel very chaotic and ineffective. I finally realized yesterday, that the reason I feel doubtful sometimes of the sincerity and validity of my husband's profession of feeling to me has to do with the fact that he is reluctant to take hold of my submission and be insistent. He refuses, in my eyes to take authority over my actions and my habits, so he can't possibly care for me, as much as he says. I promised to obey (You bet your sweet bippy, I did!!) and yet he gives me no rules, in which to frame that obedience. My scripture for today is Ephesians 5: 21-33
²² Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. ²⁴ Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, ²⁶ that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, ²⁷ that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. ²⁸ So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. ³⁰ For we are members of His body,^b]">[b] of His flesh and of His bones. ³¹ “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”^c]">[c] ³² This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. ³³ Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
This is a glorious and sweet testament to how men and women should be living and loving, within the confines of their marriages. I believe that the breakdown of most of the marriages, in the US, is due to the fact that men are letting their wives run things and women have little to no respect for their husbands. Our husbands are to nourish our love and cherish our submission. Loving someone means being concerned about their well being and building them up through instruction. It also means correction and discipline when expectations are not met. I'm not talking about anything that resembles abuse or slavery! That's not love. I want Mark to understand that my submission to him, as the leader of our marriage is a huge deal!! It's a gift!! It's what I need to feel nourished and cherished. It means that he values me enough to treat me like Christ treats the church. In return, I am to submit to him in ALL things, obey and respect him. Respect means to have a positive feeling of esteem towards another person and then the carrying out of actions and conduct representative to that esteem. Believe it or not, we wives were not created as equals, to our husbands. God made Adam in His OWN IMAGE. He made Eve as a companion, to compliment Adam. I am not equal to Mark.....Physically, we are different, we think and feel differently....Why should I begin to even think that I can compete with God's original plan for a man and a woman? How is it that I can justify the subversion of God's will for (and His word regarding the dynamics of) my marriage by taking on the roll of "the boss"? On both fronts, I cannot!! So last night, I began truly submitting my will and my self, to my husband and let me tell you, the feeling of relief and blessing is amazing!! I feel the peace that passes understanding, because by submitting to Mark in all things, I am being obedient to God. I can't say that I expect everyone to understand or agree with me, people will interpret God's word individually......But this works for us!! Mark called, a few minutes ago, to check on me....to see what I was doing!! The former me would see this as being an intrusion on my day...and indication that he didn't trust me to do what needed to be done and I would have treated him brusquely, rudely even!! He sounded so happy and so proud of the fact that I was doing as he instructed and that in turn, made me proud that I was pleasing him.

Well, the afternoon is slipping away and I still have dishes to wash and bread to make, so I must be getting on, to get all that fun stuff done. I also have to get a casserole for dinner made and set the table and I still have other chores. Mariah will be with us now, in three days!! I'm excited to have her with us, this summer. I am also excited that our movie, Eclipse will be out in 28 days!!I know there are some of you that don't understand our interest in these books/movies, but we're supporting our daughter and taking an interest in what she enjoys and that's important. I love the love story and the special effects in the movies are really great!! At first, I didn't want anything to do with the series....Then my daughter cornered me and pulled the "have an open mind" card on me....That card is a sensitive issue for me, because I swore that I would always have an open mind with my children and not be so regimented and closed minded as my parents were......So here we are!! Well anyhoo, I've drawled on forever today and I have chores to finish!! I love you all and look forward to meeting up with you soon!! Love like He loves!!
In Him,
Lisa