Get Over It......

Good Morning lovely friends and neighbors....

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood and I find myself happy and anxious for the gifts that today will bring. Life is good!

Mariah is back at school, so I am alone for the most part, during the day! Though I relish in the quiet comfort of home, at times, I am quiet lonely. It's all good, though, I have lots to keep me occupied....Thankfully, this is Mark's last week of day shift and next week, we go back to nights. I like it when he works nights....Mark and I actually get more time together and I get to spend quality time with my daughter, in the evenings.

God has been blessing me with better health and I am happy about that. I do, though, still have a compressed nerve in my left trapezious (the muscle on top of the shoulder blade) that's causing me much aggravation. It hurts, in varying degrees, pretty much all the time. The pain shoots down my left arm and has severely affected the use of my left hand. My pinky and my ring finger are all but useless! It's frustrating, especially when I can't sleep at night. My doc says that it should correct itself with time and rest.

I am still low carbing, with much success....I have been at it for a little more than two months and as of the beginning of the month, I had lost 38 pounds. I do not have a working scale, here at the house and for me, that's a good thing, because I am scale obsessive....I see Doctor Star again in a couple of weeks, I'll have a better idea of how much more I've lost, when I see her again. I also started taking Januvia for my diabetes, about a month ago and so far, I love the effects it has on my condition.

Right now, though, I have become ineligible for gastric bypass surgery! I am losing weight, naturally and my doctor says that gastric is for people who just cannot lose weight on their own.....and that's okay with me. Even with insurance, it's an expensive surgery and I am faithful that God is Greater than my fat! I just need to be faithful to my God and to my life plan and when the world comes in and the enemy is foolin with my mind, I will draw closer to the One who holds my life in His hands. No matter what I think or feel, my life is for His glory! We went to the Alameda County Fair, in early July and I met a woman there, called Barbara. She was selling orthotics. When I told her I was planning on having bypass surgery, she said something to me, that made me think....She said, "You can go and have that surgery....You can have the doctors cut you up and take out parts and rearrange parts, but it will never ever solve the real problem....." It seriously made me think! My problem is my addiction to food and though surgery would make it so that I physically cannot take in as much food and make it so my body doesn't absorb food the way it should, my addiction is still there....I use food as a comforter....as a compatriot....as a shield....as a friend and so much more. I turn to food, when I should be turning to God. I have allowed food to become my false god and that's sin, plain and simple. Surgery or not, I have to solve the problem.....I have used food to cope with many things.....the rejection of my family, my self loathing and self hatred, everyday stuff that just grates at me, my pain and my sadness have all been stuffed to overfill with food. Matthew 11 28-30 spells it out, completely......

Matthew 11:28-30

New King James Version (NKJV)

²⁸ Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

My yoke has NEVER been easy and my burden is NOT light.....It never has been!! But in the midst of it all, here stands Jesus, saying to me....Come to me, Lisa and let me ease your burden. He doesn't tell me to go to the surgeon....He says Come to Me.....In my life, rejection has been keynote and I have never been treated gently (there have been a few...My sweet cousin Ginny, my Auntie Kay, my Pastor Dave, my blessed husband and my cherished daughter, my sisters Laura and Darcie, my own personal angels Bebe and Karen...gentle souls, all of them and a blessing to me, everyday!!)...People have always been really good at pointing out everything that they've seen as being wrong in me....It's made me angry and sad, it's made me judgmental and hurtful and to those whom I have hurt, as a knee-jerk result of dealing with my own hurting heart, I beg forgiveness. I am starting to learn, from Jesus, to take up His yoke and finally, finally find the rest for my soul. Kathy Trocolli sings a song, called "My Life is In Your Hands" and as I listened to it, this morning, hands raised and tears flowing, I realized that my life is truly in His hands....

Life can be so good
Life can be so hard
Never knowing what each day
Will bring to where you are
Sometimes I forget
And sometimes I can't see
That whatever comes my way
You'll be with me

My life is in Your hands
My heart is in Your keeping
I'm never without love
Not when my future is with You

My life is in Your hands
And though I may not see clearly
I will lift my voice and sing
Cause Your love does amazing things
Lord, I know, my life is in Your hands

Nothing is for sure
Nothing is for keeps
All I know is that Your love
Will live eternally
So I will find my way, yes
And I will find my peace
Knowing that You'll meet my every need

My life is in Your hands
My heart is in Your keeping
I'm never without love
Not when my future is withYou

My life is inYour hands
And though I may not see clearly
I will lift my voice and sing
Cause Your love does amazing things
Lord, I know, my life is in Your hands

When I'm at my weakest Lord
You carry me
Then I become my strongest Lord
In Your hands

My life is in Your hands
And though I may not see clearly
I will lift my voice and sing
Cause Your love does amazing things
Lord, I know, my life is in Your hands
I trust you Lord
My life is in Your hands

Such great words.....I am learning to let go of my obsessions with food. I am laying my life in His hands....I've blown it, more than a few times, but it's all in the learning. I don't punish myself for my weakness, I move forward, relying on His strength and again, learning what triggers my disobedience. I am learning to lean and I'm learning to rest. For most of my life, I've seen myself as less....Less worthy of love, less beautiful than others, less important to my loved ones, less necessary than most.....but in His kingdom, I have begun to see myself as MORE.....more than a conqueror through Him who loves me.....Romans chapter 8 Rocks my Socks!!

Well sports fans, this is all for today.....I need to catch a few more Zzzzs!! Take care and love each other, as He loves.....

Many Blessings,

In Him....

Lisa

A Brand New Road and a Little More Faith

Hello Blog Fans....

Happy Monday....It's been a whirl wind of changes, in the past few days. The biggest change for me, is the fact that I will not be having gastric bypass surgery! There are $3000.00 in program fees for this surgery and although we are doing better financially, $3000.00 is still a lot of money!! I tried for financing, but we've been through quite a few rough years and it just isn't possible. At first, I was very down and then, after a long talk with my dear brother, Pastor Dave, I feel a lot better about things.

This is going to be a whole new adventure, for me. I've been down the weight loss/diet road before and I've done well on some and failed at others. This time, I've chosen Richard Simmons Food Mover. Yeah sure, Richard Simmons is a bit of an odd duck....but my mother did really really well on his program once, so I'm thinking it might work for me. I won't be losing handfuls of weight at a time....It won't be dropping off, like mad...But if I'm faithful and honest, it will come off. All this aside, I also got the whole program, unopened and brand new, still in the box, for less that a dollar, at a yard sale that the Murphys Fire Department was having, on Memorial Day weekend.

I swear to goodness, it was providence!! Just when I think I know it all....Just when I think the path for me is lit and free of roadblocks, God comes and reminds me of a few things.

1. Lisa does not know it all......No matter what I think, say or do, I am not omnipresent and there is no way I'll ever know everything until I die and join my Jesus in Heaven.

2. I really feel I was using this surgery for Lisa's glory......and God got tired of reminding me "This is for MY glory, Lisa, not yours"

3. Since I started this quest for surgery and self, I was totally out of control, with my eating. I was out of control.....and I refuse to yield control to God, as well. I am so glad that I can come to my Heavenly Father with a repentant heart and not only be forgiven, but give that control back to God. When this is done, He rejoices with me and loves me all the more, because finally, I'm relying less on my own strength (useless) and leaning on His everlasting arms (glorious).....

4. I do not have to face intubation (this really scares me)....My skin won't sag as much, because my body will be able to adjust naturally, as I lose the weight....I won't lose my hair any faster than I'm losing it today.....I won't have to worry about any embarrassing gastric issues or vitamin deficiencies because my body is able to absorb what it needs from my healthy diet.

5. I will be able to give God glory and show others that with God, faith and support, all things are possible!!

I realize that I was a negative proponent for this type of surgery and I can't say that I wasn't wrong....I was! But this is something I feel, in my heart of hearts, that God wants me to do on my own....Without surgical intervention. The weight didn't get here, overnight and it's not supposed to just fall off, either. I hold absolutely no ill will for anyone who's had or will have weight loss surgery.....But in a lot of ways, I am relieved that God has chosen otherwise, for me. One of Richard Simmons' success stories, a man called Elijah lost 300 lbs and has kept it off for 25 years. Doing it naturally can be successful, if you want it bad enough!! And I do....I want it for me...to be healthy and more able to serve the way I want and need to....I want it to give glory to my King....I want to be an example to others and I want my family to be proud of me......

I know I've been through this, many many times! I guess I'll just have to show you all that this time, I'm serious and I'm going all the way.....Life's a climb, but the view's great!

Please pray for me as I walk through this little narrow gate at the top of the hill......The road below is full of ruts, it's steep and sometimes, it's dark and scary, but at the end, I see glory! I don't know how long it will take me, to get there, but my eyes are fixed on Jesus and I will run in the power of His spirit!

That said, things are going well for us, here in our little hamlet in the hills.....Mariah is out of school for summer....If summer ever arrives! I've wanted to live in the Pacific Northwest for years....Looks like I'm getting my wish and I don't even have to leave home!! Mark is doing well and we are happy and satisfied with our marriage. Life is good for us and I thank God everyday that He fills me with Himself, so that I can love without regard or reserve!

Have a wonderful day, my friends and remember to look for the rainbow above every cloud!!

God is walking me through....Let Him walk you, too!!

Be blessed!
Lisa

Take Joy In the Gift of Today

Good Morning friends,
I have a poster on my bathroom wall, that says "Simple Ways to Bless Your Day" and then it has a list of ways to indeed, bless your day. I have decided that every other day, I will expound on one Simple Way, from that list.....

Today's Simple Way is.....

Drum Roll, please......

TAKE JOY IN THE GIFT OF TODAY

Habakkuk 3:18-19 (NLT)

¹⁸ yet I will rejoice in the Lord!
I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!
¹⁹ The Sovereign Lord is my strength!
He makes me as surefooted as a deer,
able to tread upon the heights.

I just wrote a blog post on joy, I think....I'm sorry if I seem to be repeating myself!! Joy is so important, this day and age....The world is full of sorrow and angst. As followers of Christ, is it not our duty to bring joy to the people around us? But, how can we bring joy, if we ourselves, have no joy?

For me, joy is the simple act of living in love. It is the endowment of the salvation given to me by my best friend Jesus. The knowledge that for me, the grave is not the end. Everyone has his or her own take on what joy really is.....An answer to prayer....a touch from a loved one...true acceptance....a job promotion....a baby's smile....a good grade on a test....chocolate.....The list is endless and both personal and versatile.

Take joy in the gift of today, huh?

I'm taking the joy in the gift of today by spending an hour on the phone with my friend Rosemary! It was a complete joy to spend time talking about our upcoming surgeries and to help each other through the confusion and the disappointment we've had by the reactions of others. It was a joy to support Rosemary through her pain....It was a joy to once again, feel the strength of our thirty year friendship.

I'm taking joy in the gift of today, by praising the Lord for the calm weather.....It's overcast, but at least the wind isn't blowing and I'm not having to stand up my mailbox and chase my trash cans down the street, looking like a complete and total loon.

I'm taking joy in the gift of today, by cooking meatloaf for Mark and Mariah's dinner, when I myself, despise meatloaf (I'm having Mac N Cheese).

I'm taking joy in the gift of today, by washing my dishes and cleaning my kitchen, because I'd like to think that I'm becoming a better keeper of my home.

I'm taking joy in the gift of today, by looking at the beauty of spring; (memo to me, tomorrow is the day to plant new gladiolus corms) the sudden green of the trees as they robe themselves in leaves, the wild crocus popping up all over...The intense blue of the flowers on my rosemary bush (If anyone needs fresh rosemary, please let me know our bush is getting humongous) hearing the songs of the birds, returned home for the spring.

There's joy everywhere...you just have to look for it and have an open mind, when you find it...Then you need to let it shine through you....

I know it's short today, but it was way long, yesterday!

Love each other as He loves....

In Him,

Lisa

My take on Caterpillars!

Good Afternoon my patient Webbies!!
I have not been writing much and I apologize for my inattentiveness. I have had much to think about over the past few months and I have come to a decision, involving my life and it's present course.

A great many of you know of my past aversion to even the thought of any sort of weight loss surgery.....I have been negatively vocal, loudly and ostentatiously so, most of the time. Well, I have been seeking, watching and praying over this for some time, now and have decided that the safest and most permanent solution to my obesity and diabetes is indeed, gastric bypass surgery. This is a big step for me! I have a friend who had a RNY gastric bypass done in late November and she looks really good. She's happy and her diabetes is gone!! I want that! I want to give my diabetes back! The RNY surgery, though, scares me....They take the stomach and make a 2 oz. pouch out of it....then they bypass a big section of small intestine and then hook the remaining intestine up to the stomach pouch via anastomosis. There can be a lot of complications with that.....Icky complications that I don't even want to think about. In my search for answers, I came up with a totally new question. Is this the only surgery available? Can I get the benefits of a standard RNY surgery and not have all of the ickies.....I know about lap band, but I don't want that one.....I just don't feel right about having a rubber hose wrapped around my tum.

My God is an awesome God.....All it takes is honest praying, from an open and seeking heart and the miracles of Jesus can start!

Matthew 7: 7 and 8......This really says it all......

⁷ “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. ⁸ For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.

God said it and I believe it and that settles it for me!!

So I asked for guidance, one day, I remember the day so clearly....It was March 6th. In my web search, I came across a website extolling the benefits of a surgery called biliopancreatic diversion with duodenal switch gastric bypass. Basically, what this surgery does is reduces the size of the stomach to hold 4 to 5 ounces, the surgeon removes the rest of the stomach following the natural curve of the stomach and reroutes the intestines. During the surgery, they also remove the gall bladder and appendix. The DS surgery has a longer lasting effect on the body and maintains the natural function of the stomach, itself. There are no dietary restrictions, post-op, after the initial healing and the only required supplements are a daily multi vitamin and calcium citrate. Also, with the DS surgery, 99% of diabetic patients achieve complete resolution of their diabetes!!

Yeah buddy!!


I'm thinking about having a going away party for my diabetes!!

God, you are so dang awesome!!

Then I read that there are only 50 doctors in the United States that perform this type of surgery.....Dum dee dum dum......DUMMMMMMM!!!

So I get discouraged for the few seconds it takes me to tell Satan to get his grimy backside behind me, in the name of Jesus.

At that point, I didn't even know what kind of insurance Mark was going to be offered with his new job.....I knew that Kaiser doesn't offer this type of surgery! Mark had to go into the office, that following Monday and I had him ask his people that know stuff like that, what brand of insurance he's going to be getting. It's Blue Cross/Blue Shield.....

OH HAPPY DAY!! OH HAPPY DAAAAAAY........


I check the Blue Cross Website and they cover three types of gastric bypass.....Lap Band....RNY and BPD/DS........

Knock and it will be opened to you!!

Sometime after deciding that I was in it to win it, I talked to Rosemary....She'd just been to see her cardiologist and that doctor told her that she should think about having..........

Guess what??

Gastric Bypass!!

Hallelujah, I don't have to do this alone......

I feel like a caterpillar..... Waiting for the day when I will cover myself with silky threads and take a much needed rest.....Changing, growing, becoming......And on the appointed day, I will emerge from my asylum and the old Lisa will have faded away, to be replaced with a more efficient, more able butterfly Lisa with gossamer wings and the glory of God will finally teach her how to fly....Something she has never ever done before.....something, she's only dreamed of......

My life as a caterpillar hasn't been easy!! Always larger than everyone else.....Discriminated against, called names......treated as if I was always second best or not nearly as good as everyone else....Yeah I know, waah waah waah, yadda yadda yadda....Put on your big girl panties and get on with your bad self, right??

MmmHmmm...Exactly!!

Finally, for once in my life, I will not be bound with this body's chains of limitation. My course is set, my path is clear.....I will not be moved!!

At first, Rosemary and I chose a doctor out of Stanford, for our surgeries, but Rosemary called on them yesterday and was told that that doctor no longer does this surgery! So we've decided on Dr. Ara Kashishian, out of Delano (between Fresno and Bakersfield, in Tulare County). He has a very good reputation and Delano is a whole lot easier to navigate than San Francisco. We've gotten quite used to smaller towns!! Rosemary already has insurance, so she was able to make her consultation appointment right away!! I called the surgeon's office this afternoon and they called me back about half an hour ago....I am going for my consultation appointment on the same day as Rosemary, June 28th. I am overjoyed that I get to do this with my friend. This makes things a whole lot easier and less scary!

Anyhoo, enough with my rabble!! Everything here is great! Mariah is doing well in school and Mark still loves his new job! I'm still here, working on scrapbooking and making paper beads. One thing I have been able to accomplish in the past couple of months.....I've got my dish washing under control....A HUGE achievement for me, because I hate the dishes!! Now, I just have to find a way to get my clothes to fold themselves and I'll be right as rain!!

I'm going to be using my blog here, to chronicle my weight loss journey, from start to whenever. It's important to keep a journal for this type of thing, I think. It won't all be about gastric bypass...there will be other things. I am still just a caterpillar, but I am looking forward to the day when I can fly......

Love each other as He loves,
In Him,
Lisa

Come, Holy Spirit, I need you......

Hi-dee Ho, Blog fans....
I've missed a couple of days....Had a couple of set-backs, but no worries, I'm still strong and on track....Learning to bounce back has never been my strong suit! I've always been okay with letting things get to me, letting things take me down and leave me broken and bleeding.....Not now, though!! It seems, the stronger I feel, the harder the enemy fights to bring me down....I'm not about to let Satan's grimey hands ruin everything I've been trying to accomplish.....everything I'm working so hard to attain!!

So here's how it all went down!!

Friday morning, Mark and I get up at 5:30 am (after having gone to bed at nearly 2 am) and we get Mariah up and rolling towards getting to school. Just before she leaves, I was commenting on how many programs Mark has been recording on the DVR and he looked at me, from the computer and told me that if I didn't like it, I was free to leave....that I knew where the door was and how to use it. In one sentence, the enemy had me in chains, broken, bleeding and nearly destroyed. The one thing I fear, above having to leave my home and return to the home of my father, is Mark forcing me to leave my home and our marriage like he tried to do, back in 2007. The six months of emotional estrangement I experienced with Mark was the second most trying thing I've ever endured. The words he said, which were straight from the mouth of the enemy, brought back so many unhappy and terrifying memories of infidelity, hurt and abandonment! I cried for a long time, thinking about what he'd said, all those years ago. When we went back to bed, after Mariah went off to the bus stop, what's the first thing that happened? I dreamed that Mark's ex-girlfriend Terri had taken a knife and cut up my face, leaving me to bleed, while she and Mark stood there and laughed at me. (Terri was the person Mark was planning on replacing me with, after he forced me to leave my home and my life) I let the enemy bring me down, but I didn't divert from my food plan and I still got myself to the gym, after Mark went to work and I did my full 30 minutes on the bike! When I asked God what He wanted me to learn from this, His answer was very clear.....Lisa, you need to learn to love yourself, despite the world around you and you need to FORGET.

Last night, Saturday, I got another blow from the enemy!! I went outside late, to take the dog out, just before bed and I heard our neighbor, Shane, yelling at his seven year old son, Robby. He was angry. Angry yelling terrifies me, beyond all thought.... Apparently Robby'd lied to him and he was mercilessly posing question after question to the little guy....."Why did you lie? Why do you always lie? Lying is wrong, why do you do it?" and Robby cried and pleaded back to him...."I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Daddy, I won't do it again, I promise!" I don't know if he ended up spanking the poor kid, I had to go back inside or face getting sick all over my front yard. The memory of pleading with my own father, to remove the threat of the beating I would undoubtedly receive or at least lessen it's severity, was fresh in my mind, as if it were happening then and there, to me....I hurried inside to Mark and fell into his embrace, weeping and shaking....He promised me, that as he was my partner and my love, he was also my protector...that he would never allow anyone to hurt me, like that, again. As I went upstairs, to get ready for bed, I asked God again, what He needed me to learn from this......God always answers my seeking and I was not surprised when He said...."Lisa, the past is gone, best just forget it....Leave your protection in My hands and know that this is for My glory" I was surprised though, that the first thing that happened, as I fell asleep, in bed was that I woke up, after just having fallen to sleep, to Mark throwing my hand off of him, as I dug my fingernails into his side. I dreamed that I was on the floor, in my childhood home and my father was standing above me, beating me with is belt.....Even though I was frightened, I had had it, clear up to my eyeballs with this trickery and rot! I wasn't taking this anymore....I started to sing, in my head, " Come Holy Spirit, I need you....Come Sweet Spirit, I pray....Come in Thy strength and Thy power....Come in Thine own gentle way." I felt the Holy Spirit descend upon me and I fell into sleep, easily and was not troubled by anymore scary dreams.....

These past couple of days have been a bit on the difficult side, for me....Having to stand against the assault of the strongman....Having to face my most terrifying fears and memories was not fun. But, through it all, I didn't turn to my false comforter, food.....Both times, I called upon the Lord and He sent His healing rain. I relied on Him, for His strength....Both incidents, this weekend, have proven to me, that the need to forget my past is strong. At church today, I asked Pastor Dave, if I could resume my counseling and he said I could....I'll see him now, Thursdays at 1:30.....I know that I am in for a long haul with this, but it has to be done! I can no longer let the tragedies from my past determine what and who I will become in the future.....I will no longer relive the past and I cannot allow those who mistreated me, broke my spirit and my heart, stole my youth, my dreams and my hope...to steal the joy that I feel as a wife, a mother and servant of the Most High. I will not allow it!! The lamb has become the lioness and she is highly honked off!!

So, my prayer for Friday was to get through the weekend, without cheating! I made it! We went out to eat at Perko's on Saturday night and I was so proud of myself....I stayed on my plan and I didn't have to spend an arm, a leg and two eyeballs to do it!! I need to remember to carry my liquid Stevia with me, when I eat out though....I hate black coffee and since I cannot have caffeine, Nutra Sweet or sugar or any sort of powdered sweetener, my choice of drinks is rather limited!! I can have decaf or water.....Here at home, I drink decaf Ice Tea with Stevia or liquid Splenda or Shasta soda..Grapefruit, Root Beer and Creme Soda....all caffeine free and sweetened with Splenda....I can also have Diet Rite and Hansens, but Shasta is cheaper...we got it for $2.58 a twelve pack at Food for Less. I have a difficult time on the weekends...Mark and Mariah are both home and I don't want to hold them back, because I cannot eat what they can and I don't want to feel left out because I cannot eat what they can. This time, though, I stayed strong and I kept my resolve.....I put my trust in God and let Him hold me up and keep me strong...I forgot what it felt like to cheat and I forgot what it felt like to fail. I was happy to finally feel what it was like to succeed. What a sweet sweet feeling....It was truly a healing rain!

I am looking forward to this next two weeks. Mark is back to day shift, so we'll have him home in the evenings. I am starting counseling again, so I don't have to shoulder this burden alone, any longer and I have a whole new week of learning, ahead of me.....Please remember me, in your prayers.....

I hope this weekend has been good for each one of you.....

Love as He loves.....

In Him,
Lisa

Cherish the Treasure

Good Evening, O ye Webbie friends......

I apologize for the late post.....Mark is on nights, this week and I had some things to do, this afternoon....Then with making dinner and eating....So here I am! Bright eyed and bushy tailed!! The muscles in my arms, shoulders and chest are threatening to stage a coup, if I continue to work them out, so I'm in a little bit of pain. I welcome the pain, though, it's a reminder that I was faithful in my commitment to working out, everyday! I am feeling really good!! I have stayed on my food plan for almost three days, now and my appetite has calmed, quite a bit, along with my mood. This evening, I discovered the joys of jicama. Jicama is part of the radish family....When you see it in the grocery, it's ugly...the size of a softball and covered in a rustic tan peel. Lemme tell ya, this stuff is good. Crunchy and slightly sweet, it really made my boring "shrubbery" salad come alive. I really want to go and eat the rest of it, but I'm learning self control, so I have to put it away and save it, to enjoy another day! I want to tell you, also, about a company called Walden Farms.....They make things like salad dressings, dessert sauces, condiments and jams; You can buy some of their products at Raleys. All of Walden Farms products are calorie free, fat free and carb free.....I love their ranch dressing, their strawberry jam spread, their peanut butter spread and their marshmallow dip. I actually have the girls at The Country Store, in Sonora, order whatever I want....The items they sell are on the pricey side, but a little goes a long way! I wasn't fond of their ketchup or barbeque sauce and their chocolate sauce was so-so....It's nice to be able to have jam on my flax muffin, in the morning.

Okay, well on with the good stuff.......

I am reading Neva Coyle's Free to Be Thin and applying the principles to my weight loss journey.....I cannot use her food plan, because my body just doesn't do well with a low-fat, carbohydrate rich diet. I can though, use her principles......


What do you treasure?

I've had to think about that a lot, lately! Food has always been a big fat treasure chest for me.....I love to touch it, cook with it, eat it and serve it to my friends and family......When I was unhappy, food would cheer me.......When I was lonely, food kept me company.....When I was bored, food gave me something to do.....When I needed praise or recognition or acceptance, food was the vehicle.....I lived for food! You know what though....food didn't live for me! It never dried my tears, never completely soothed my mind or calmed my fears....It doesn't keep me safe and it won't ever forgive my sins! Food was my treasure and my false god.


This is what the Bible says about treasures......

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Luke 12:34


My treasure was food!! This was a sobering thing for me to admit! I want to have the heart of Jesus, not a heart of Twinkies......I want to have a heart of worship, not a heart of Sonic Cheeseburgers...... I want a heart of praise, not a heart of jelly donuts!! Not only was food killing me, it was keeping me from a deeper relationship with my Heavenly Father. I used to think that I was doing okay in my walk.....I had my challenges, but who doesn't? But, in reality, I had a huge stronghold built up with bricks made by Betty Crocker and McDonalds......

I have been in this place before!!

Last year, I did really well, with the Atkins program and working out, but I traded all my hard work for take-out and let the devil convince me that I was happy how I was. That stronghold tower that I have been building, all my life, was never destroyed completely.....I just started adding bricks and the higher it got, the deeper I fell, into the pit! Only coming out to add more bricks, I resolved in my mind, that I was just going to have to accept this as how I was....That nothing would ever help and that I was not worthy enough, not even to myself, to ever even try. I was a failure.....I was a horrible wife, a bad mother, a terrible friend.....Every condemnation that Satan whispered in my ear, I believed! I've been hearing negative things about myself, since I was eight years old, why should things change? I was doomed and I accepted that!! I was devastated, but couldn't reach out.....The stronghold I was building was reinforced with pride and with shame......

This morning, while sitting on my stoop, looking out at the beauty of the morning, I realized something. I am a treasure!! I am God's treasure.......His gold, His jewels!! He loved me so much that He sacrificed His only Son, to save me! So that I would shine, in His glory! Not tarnish......So that He would never have to live, without me, instead of burying me in the sand and forgetting me. Today, I had to seriously look at where my treasure lies......It lies in my salvation! In the matchless grace of Jesus.....It is my need to serve others.....It's in the hearts of my husband and my daughter......It's in the way I love and the things I say and do.......

I am now striving to free myself of the burden of food! I am learning to eat to live and not live to eat.....I am learning that people will like me or they won't....a chocolate cake isn't going to change that.....I am learning that the words of condemnation I've lived with are just a weapon of the enemy, to kill, steal and destroy.....I am learning to pray about the choices I make, before I make them and to listen to the voice of my Savior......and I am learning to believe that there is a worthy treasure, here in my heart.....

Today has been a perfect day, for me.....I hope it was for you, as well. I wish you all my best and I'll see you on the flip side.....Love each other as He loves.....

I will stumble, I will fall down, but I will not be moved. I will make mistakes, I will face heartache, but I will not be moved....On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand....I will not be moved.
-Natalie Grant

In Him....
Lisa

Today I will Celebrate

Good afternoon, my friends,

Today I am struck with the need to celebrate! I'm joyful today and I just had to share that!! Our God is really an awesome God!

Psalm 30:11
You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,

Those of you who know me, know that I am more of an Eeyore, always looking for the gray clouds and the rain.....I want to be a Tigger....So overcome with the joy of the Lord, that I bounce! Well, not literally, bouncing for me, gives a whole new meaning to the words "Shake, Rattle and Roll". I want to be the kind of person who inspires others to find the joy......In this world, with the economy and the state of our lives, homes and families, it's hard to find joy! Trust me, it's there, you just have to believe and look for it. For me, as a submissive wife and mother, joy is getting Mark ready for work....Making sure his lunch is made, his clothes are clean and his coffee is perked. It's being here for Mariah, when she arrives home from school, making her dinner and listening to her, when she has something to say.....To me, joy is serving others, seeing to the needs of the ones I love, so that their lives are full and they lack for nothing. And though there are days when I just don't feel it, there is joy in dirty dishes and piles of laundry. We just need to have the right perspective. The Bible says to count it all joy! ALL? Yes, all....

James 1:2-4 (New King James Version)

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.

God is really impressing on me, today to look at everything in my life with joy! Really God? Everything? Yep! Everything!! Okay, Okay "Joy to the dishes the soap has come"

.....and not only does God want me to find joy in everything, but I have to celebrate it, too.....

Wait a daggone minute, here! You mean I have to celebrate, too?? Yup!! What could there possibly be to celebrate about washing dishes.....Praise the Lord, I have dishpan hands? Somebody call Madge the Manicurist!! Perspective, here Lisa! Find the joy!!

Okay, lets put this into joy's perspective......You have a family, who gathers at your table and fills their empty tummies with food from those dishes at the same time, they're filling their spirits with the love that you give while preparing and serving that food.....You are surrounded by those who love and need you. That's joy......I remember watching my grandmother wash her dishes and clean her house, when I was young.....She always sang hymns, while she went about her chores.....She was joyful and she celebrated by praising the Lord, even in the midst of dirty dishes, carpet sweepers and Windex.

Joy and Celebration, that's what life is all about! Imagine what the world would be like, if we all found joy in the things that we have to do each day.....How many lives would be changed? How many frowns would become smiles? What would it be like if all our crying was transformed into dancing? Jesus is that Joy! When we give our lives and hearts over to Jesus and are one with His plan and purpose for our lives, then that joy just bubbles out...affecting everything we say, do, think and feel. It's as if the morning has a whole new meaning!! A brand new day of celebration and joy!!

For me, today, joy is staying on my food plan!! It's getting out of the house and driving down to the gym to exercise, even though I am sore from yesterday's exercise and would really rather stay here, in front of the computer......It's believing in God enough to believe in myself and give myself credit, where credit is due! I'm celebrating rebirth.....forgiveness...salvation....and the love of God!

Join me today.....Be joyful, Celebrate.....Change your perspective! Love each other as He loves.....

I've got the joy, joy, joy down in my heart.......

In Him,
Lisa

Finding my own Everest....

Good Evening, Webbie Friends.....
It's been a while I know and I apologize for that!! I have been at war within myself for the past six weeks or so! I have been outta touch with just about everyone in my life....My self imposed exile has taught me a thing or two about my life. Number one...I am not a failure. Number two....losing a friend hurts more than a thousand beatings. Number three....You have to start somewhere. To those of you who I might have hurt, in our time apart, I am sorry and I ask your forgiveness! I am not going to explain to you, what brought on my heartache.....those of you closest to me, already know and I am trying to put the whole fiasco behind me, where it belongs. It takes time and patience, but I'll get there....a journey of a million miles still starts with one single step!

Here's what I have to say......

Number one.....I am not a failure!!

For as long as I can remember, when I think of my childhood and early adulthood, I was told that I was a failure, that I'd never amount to anything and that I would always be a failure. I heard this from my parents, my siblings and my grandparents. Tell me, how can a person believe in themselves, when all that's been pounded into their heads for so long, was how horrible they are and how much of a screw up, they've become (were/are/will be)? The odds are not good!! I began to believe that about myself!! Every time I cheated on my food plan, every time I didn't exercise or go to the gym, every day my house remained a sloppy mess.....I was a failure, doomed to live the rest of my life, the way my family predicted! I believed them. I let them steal my joy from me...my hope, my dreams... So, this past spring, I gave up! If I can't stay on my food plan, why even try? If I can't remember to get to the gym or exercise, even a little, why even worry about it? I was content to let my diabetes take my life, little by little and the eventual result would be me, going to heaven to live in paradise, without any reminders of how much of a failure I'd been, in my earthly life! Well, me out of control where food is involved, is not a pretty picture! I've gained over 60 lbs......In less than a year!! I hated myself for it! In my mind, I was the most disgusting creature ever created!! I have seen the end results of women giving up, in my family.....It's not a pretty or pleasant picture! It's painful and it's sad. It causes other people to hurt! The other day, I came across this scripture....“But forget all that—it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland."Isaiah 43:18-19 (NLT) I have to forget? Really God? You want me to forget? Can I forget? Am I willing to let go of the excuses I use to not have faith and strength? Lemme tell you friends, when you seek, with an open heart, God will provide you with those open doors......This is a pretty cut and dried commandment!! I've realized that I don't have to be a failure...That God doesn't see that, in me....He sees only my potential! So from today forward, I say Get thee behind me, failure....You're not living in my house, anymore! I wash my hands of your memory and I forget how you've made me feel. God said it and I believe it and that settles it for me!!

Number Two....Losing a friend hurts more than a thousand beatings!
This holiday season, I lost a friend! Not lost as in they moved away or passed away...Lost as in we argued, words were said in anger and out of hurt and frustration and we parted. When I realized what I'd done, I wrote my friend a card, apologizing, asking forgiveness and granting forgiveness.....I had really hoped that my dear friend would respond, even if only by written word....But she hasn't and I miss her, so very much! Apparently, I was not important enough to her....That she doesn't love me as I love her. Pray for me, as I continue to grieve over the loss of my sister in Christ. She is still dear to me and that place in my heart that was her, will always feel empty. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NIV Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

Number 3....You have to start somewhere.....

Today, I set out, once again, to climb my Everest. My weight bothers me and it keeps me from doing and being everything God has planned for me. I am an addict! I am addicted to food! Like narcotics and illegal drugs, food is poison to me. Well, not all food, but a big part of the food I love, as a diabetic, is!! It calls to me....It lies to me....It makes me believe that it's my friend and will cure all of my hurts....I don't mean talking Twinkies, but you get my drift.... I have seen the devastating effect of gravid obesity first hand! It kills...slowly and painfully. Society is not kind to fat people, either! People stare, make hurtful comments, pass judgment and discriminate. I know that God accepts me, for who I am....and I know that there are people in my life, who love me fat, skinny or purple with green spots sporting two heads and a peg leg.....My beautiful and talented friend Laura.....my angel Bebe.....my outspoken sister in Christ Pat....My wonderful husband and my daughter.....my purloined older brother, Pastor Dave.....my soul sister Gloria...My oldest and dearest friend Rosemary. My weight only describes me, it does not define me!! I am strong and passionate about my place in the world....I am willful and stubborn, I love to sing and listen to people's stories! I love deeply and forgive quickly.....I love to smile and laugh and make other people smile and laugh! Like Transformers, I am more than meets the eye! My friends, it is time! This is not what God has planned for me and I'm only interested in His best, for me and my life and the lives of those who will be touched by mine! I'm back to low carbing the Atkins way.....I stayed on plan, perfectly, today (Yay me!) and I went back to the gym, this afternoon. I only stayed for a half an hour, but I went and that's what's most important! This is my Everest. The tallest and most treacherous mountain I will ever climb....the most harrowing journey I will ever take!! This may be a climb for me, but the view's great and in the end, I will touch the top of the world!!
Everything around here is great!! Mark is working the night shift this week, so it's just Mariah and myself here, in the evening. I like the quiet and the opportunity to spend quality time with my daughter. She is so full of light and mirth, she makes my heart happy....she makes my feet want to dance!! God has blessed our family abundantly and I continue to praise Him with honest thanksgiving, for everything He's blessed us with....Thankfully, the bills are almost all caught up!! Mark is still in love with his job!! He calls it his dream job, the job he's waited his whole life to have! I am so very proud of him and his accomplishments! For the first time in a long time, we are taking a family trip....At the end of February, we are going to spend the weekend in Midpines at the Yosemite Bug Rustic Mountain Resort....My good friends Shay and Michael Black (two of the three Black Brothers...) will be playing (they're Irish folk musicians) at The Irish Fest Weekend, held there, at the resort! We're all looking forward to that....I hope there's not too much snow! Mark and Mariah both have birthdays next month, so we decided to take a trip to celebrate! We haven't had the opportunity to see Shay and Michael since the Calaveras Celtic Faire in 2007.

I apologize if I've been long winded....I'm trying desperately to become undiscombobulated and I have a lot on my mind.....Anyhoo, enjoy your evening and love as He loves!!

In Him,
Lisa