Encouraged!!

Good Morning, fellow webbies!!
I am greatly encouraged this morning!! After having completed a whole day on Weight Watchers, my blood sugar was 98, this morning.....Excellent for having consumed carbs, yesterday!! I ate my dinner and was finished eating by 7:30....I exercised in the morning and in the evening and today, I feel great!! It might not be a big deal to you, but to me, it is.....Being able to eat like a normal human (well, within reason) and being able to stay on track with both my eating and my exercise AND having normal blood sugar to boot takes just one more nail out of this coffin of fear I continually put myself in!! Don't think for a second, that I like being afraid of everything, including my own body....It's not a fun place to be, by a long shot!! Okay, enough of that!! I want to accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative.....
Mark and I are doing well....I read the blog of a woman yesterday, who was divorcing her husband and was happy about it. She wrote that he was her best friend and a good person, but she just couldn't be tied down by marriage!! I cannot think of a life without my Mark. He brings so much light and laughter to my life and he truly blesses and completes me, in ways I don't even understand. God knew what He was doing, when He put us together......I love being tied down, by marriage!! I love being here to take care of my family and I am getting more adept at taking care of my home.....Like I said, I just cannot think of a life without my Mark. It's unfathomable. I love you, Mark, more than I love myself!! Thank-you for loving me back!!
Well, I'm going to try and make today more productive than yesterday!! My bedroom really needs a makeover and I did laundry on Monday and it still hasn't been put up!! I have eBay stuff I need to organize and I have a kitchen that sorely needs to be cleaned.....My goal is to have all of the busy work done by tomorrow evening, so I have nothing to do, over the weekend, but enjoy being home, with Mark.
I am still very weary so I'm going to brew a pot of decaf, make some toast with blackberry jam, cut an apple and head back to bed. (I always eat my breakfast in bed)
Anyhoo....have a wonderful day, friends and love each other, like He loves!!
In Him,
Lisa

Switching from Atkins to Weight Watchers

Greetings and Salutations, my friends......Last night, I decided to switch from the Atkins program to Weight Watchers. It's been on my mind and on my heart to do so, for some time. I've been praying about it and have peace in my heart, when I think about changing programs. I am concerned with all of the fat and protein I'm eating, with Atkins. Too much fat can cause all sorts of troubles....Liver issues, gall stones, high cholesterol, kidney stones......and a diet too high in protein can cause issues with the kidneys....I am a diabetic, so I'm prone to problems with my kidneys and my liver already.....and, after being on and off Atkins for almost a year, I'm still struggling at the same ghastly weight. Something HAS to give!! With Weight Watchers, there are endless possibilities.....Not so with Atkins. I still have to watch my carbohydrate consumption, in the evenings, but I can eat toast in the morning and it's not cheating.....It's all about portion control, switching to a low fat way of life and moving more.....I'm not real good at the moving part...but I have quite a few workout videos, the gym and my tennis shoes to keep me busy!! I didn't feel like going to the gym today, so I popped in my Biggest Loser Cardio Max DVD......WRONG DECISION!! The beginner workout was too difficult.....so, instead of breaking into Mark's Pringles, to ease my frustration with not being even remotely able to keep up with Mr. Bob Harper and his pack of shrinkies, I located my Leslie Sansone Walk the Walk DVD and did the 1 Mile walk, instead!! I will have to workout again, this evening, after dinner, but that's okay!! It only takes 18 minutes to complete......Last night, when Biggest Loser was over and they started showing the blurb for applying to be a contestant on next season's Loser, Mark looked at me like "maybe you should apply" Yeah right....Me, alone with Jillian Michaels all ready and able to torture me to death.....NOTNOTNOTNOTNOTNOTNOTNOT!!!!! I need to do this on my own!! I need to let God work and work myself at becoming what God made me to be!! I can do this.....without expensive diet plans, without someone screaming at me, without drugs, without useless surgeries that would change my body FOREVER!! The weight didn't get here overnight at it's not going to go overnight, either.....I know that without surgery, my medical odds of losing the weight and keeping it off are between slim and none and Slim's out too lunch.....But God has called me into obedience....to give me hope and a future and if I am in Him, while I'm doing this, I cannot fail. I am lucky, too....I have a WONDERFUL husband who encourages me.....I have my best friends, Pastor Dave and Jill to keep me accountable; they truly are the world's best support system.... and I have a whole church full of family to pray for me and love me through this. It's me that's holding me back!! I now have only 5 months to get in good enough shape to be able to walk around Disneyland with my family and my cherished friends and not embarrass my daughter......I have only 4 months to be smaller, so that I can fit into my dress, for Rosemary's wedding......I need to be able to keep up with Mariah this summer and prove to her, that being disciplined and diligent and patient and prayerful can move mountains.....and most of all I need to learn obedience!! God is my rock and my shelter in the eye of this storm and I am confident He's working, all together for my good!!
It's now getting late, so I think I will go, for now!! I haven't eaten any lunch and I'm hungry!! I need to plan a dinner menu and get some housework done, too....My house is not going to clean itself....there is no "Easy" button here.....
Anyhoo....everybody be safe and love each other, as G0d loves you. You are in my thoughts and in my prayers.
Lots of Love and Many Happy Blessings
Lisa

A day well spent.....

I have been having some very good days, as of late.....I have been happy with the way things are going and the way I've been using my time. It makes me feel good, to accomplish all that I set out to do, in a single day and more, sometimes!! Money is still very tight, so I cannot go anywhere or do anything special....I find special things to do, here at home. Even if it's just taking the time to watch a television program that I like. I have been a little melancholy, too....I'm worried about not having money for Christmas and having to spend an entire week alone, with both of the kids here. Mariah by herself is a joy and I trust her, as much as I can,her being being a teenage girl....Donovan, though....I don't trust him at all....He's been sneaky and conniving in the past, as well as untruthful. So I asked Mark if he would take some time off of work, to be here, while the kids are here and it looks as if he might be able to....That's a big weight off of my shoulders.....Anyhow, the worry causes the melancholy....and I know that that's just satan, trying to build up a stronghold in my spirit. I can't let that happen, so I am learning to lean on Jesus and let Him shoulder the weight of my burdens, for me....I went and worked out, today! For the first time in a week or so! I haven't been very careful with my diet nor have I been sticking to my workout regime, lately and I think that is affecting the way I feel as well...I get really judgemental of myself, when I feel like I've failed...and let's face it, in my life, I've failed a lot, at a lot of things....There's really no reason for it!! I have better than average support....I have my sisters in Christ Gloria and Cindy, who are there for me, whenever I need....and I've got my good friend and counselor Pastor Dave (and his wife, Jill...of course) I've got my Bible and I've got good open prayer lines and I've also got a wonderful (well most of the time) and supportive and encouraging husband.....Mark does a great job with telling me how proud he is of me....and he tells other people too and that's a big thing for me. It encourages me and makes me feel very strong. A good deal of people don't understand how hard it is to start losing weight, when you are very large. Moving about is difficult....working out in a gym is embarassing and for most, not cost effective. And let's face it, healthy eating is expensive!! I've got it good though! My homeowners association just built a fitness room, at our community center, that's free for homeowners and tennants to use. So I have been going, since the end of September and have been very happy with my progress. When I first started going, I could walk for 15 minutes on the treadmill and then ride the recumbant bike for 5 minutes....Now, I walk on the treadmill for 40 minutes and bike for 20 to 30 minutes....I've gotten stronger, too...At the beginning, I was pressing 40 lbs with my legs, curling 30 lbs with my legs, pulling and curling 35 lbs with the high/low pulley on my arms, lifting 10 lbs on the shoulder machine and 15 lbs with the pectoral fly machine....Now I press 120 lbs with my legs, curl 90 lbs with my legs, high/low pulley is set at 80 lbs, 30 lbs with the shoulder machine and 45 with the pec fly..... and I like doing it, too.....
The snow from Monday is finally all melted away, at least it is here....I was in Angels Camp last night, for choir practice and there was still quite a bit of lingering snow, there....It was supposed to rain last night, but it didn't....It's been a bread baking day....I made a loaf of dark pumpernickle rye for Mark and I'm going to be baking a cardomom braid for Jill, tomorrow.....
We have a potluck party up at church on Sunday evening, this week and then our Candlelight Christmas Celebration and dessert buffet, next Sunday....As a choir, we are singing Jingle Bell Rock and Follow the Star.....and then I'm singing A Strange Way to Save the World, as a duet with Pastor Dave....I always look forward to our Candlelight Christmas Celebration....this is my third one....and I think I've lost enough weight to finally be able to wear my floor length black formal skirt.....I've wanted to wear that, for a really long time....
Anyhoo...I had better be jetting off...I've some things left to do, before Mark gets home.....Take care and love each other as He loves....
In Him,
Lisa

A SNOW DAY!!

When I opened my front door, this morning, this is what I saw!! We have snow.....I was dumbfounded. Yes, I live in the Sierra Foothills, but it snows so little, around here....The last time, was March 11, 2006.....that it truly is a treat, when it snows!! I was awestruck at the wonderment of it all.....Brought to a state of complete reverence and worship at the feet of my Heavenly Father....It's so quiet, when it snows.....peaceful, silent....almost as if the birds are feeling the same reverence as I......Of course, P'nut wanted nothing to do with all of this "snow nonsense" and high tailed it right back into the house.....My cowardly doggie!! I was left there, alone, praising God for showing me He's still there.....Life has been kind of difficult for me, as of late.....I don't want to get into it all, because it's a sore spot and I'm tired of being charged with being the cause of all of the discord!! I'm being a homebody, today. I was going to go out and pay the phone bill and go to the gym, but I am afraid to take my little car out, in the snow, so I'm staying home. The advantage to having a small, privately owned phone company is that I can call them and they are always willing to work with me....Pam was wonderful, when I called....she said that coming tomorrow, to pay the bill was perfect, so I'm staying in, today.....I'm going to bake some bread and get some things done....Just immerse myself in being domestic!! I have a cake to bake, for tomorrow's ladies luncheon, at the church....I've got Garlic Bread to make.....and I'm taking spaghetti.....and I've got dishes to wash...I've got to wash out some of my dishtowels and get them dry...I'm out of dishtowels to use!! I've got a kitchen floor that's dying to be mopped and a living room floor that needs to be vacuumed!! I've already refreshed my sourdough starter...it's on the radiator, getting warmed up, so that it will sour again!! My bedroom also needs some attention....It's getting to be noontime, so I'd best be scooting off....the snow has stopped falling, for now.....and I am anxious to get on, with the work....Have a wonderful afternoon and love each other, like He loves you....
In Him...
Lisa

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree.....

Well, Thanksgiving went well....We had a great time at the movies.....Saw New Moon again!! I thought it was going to be crowded....I worked at a cinema, two consecutive Thanksgivings and I remember it being quite busy....People sending husbands or children off to the movies, to get them out of their hair....We got there, just as the movie was starting and there were only about 8 other people there, in the theater...What a difference from pre-opening night!! I was able to hear all of the dialog, without having to listen to teenage "screamage". After the movie, plenty of popcorn and snacks and lots of togetherness, we came home and I fell asleep in the couch and Mark computered!! We ate our Prime Rib dinner around 6 and then just vegetated, watching television, til bedtime.....On Friday, we didn't really do much of anything....Went to one of my favorite Thrift Stores and bought a whole slough of Christmas lights.....My impolite neighbors put their outdoor Christmas lights up, two weeks ago and they look really bad!! Like a badly lit trailer at a redneck trailer park!! I cannot have my out of doors look like that, nor do I want people to see theirs and think its mine.....Sometimes, I can be quite superficial!! Anyhoo...I got plenty of lights....Mark was supposed to help me string them, on Saturday.....Solitaire on the computer was much more interesting and it was quite windy.....I'll be putting them up, on my own, today....It's better than way....I don't have to listen to him gripe at my unconventionality!!! I love Mark so much, but sometimes, the way he judges how I do things really bothers me.....then again, I do the same things, so.....We're at a impasse.....He did work on cleaning out the garage!! That's a good thing and he took a lot of the trash to the dump....On Sunday, we went to church and came home....I fixed lunch and then puttered around...Mark computered.....I realized that we couldn't find any of our Christmas decorations, in the garage and got really sad!! The kids are coming from Texas this year, for Christmas and I want to have a festive looking house and yard. Well Mark looked in the rafters up in the garage and he found my decorations...but still no Christmas Tree....All I have is a little 4 foot artificial tree, but I have a little house, so it fits.....Mark mentioned that it might be up in the trailer and said he'd check, when he got home from work, today.....I couldn't wait for him....I went up there, as soon as I was up and dressed and sure enough, there it was....So, I know what I'm doing, today.....Working on housework, moving furniture about and decorating the yard and the house. I am trying very hard to learn to love Christmas, like I used to,before served 17 years working in retail and then having Mark tell me on Christmas Day, that he wanted a divorce (in 2006). It's been tough!! Not having the kids here, has made it easy to hate the season, too.....I really am trying to love Christmas again!!
So today, I need to bring the recliner in from the garage....where it's been for at least 2 years. With both kids coming in less than 3 weeks, we are in need of extra seating....So Mark and the kids can sit in the couch and I will use the recliner.....I am going to move the computer, so that it's not so visible from the couch and then get to getting busy with the decorating....I might even move Picasso's cage, if I have the room.....So anyhoo....thanks for listening and wish me luck, I have lots to accomplish today.....
Love like He loves....
In Him,
Lisa

Give Thanks.....

Give Thanks for all of the things in your life, that you wouldn't necessarily think of as blessings.....I am thankful for Mark's snoring, because at least I know that I am not alone, in the dark.....I am thankful for my loads of laundry because I know that somebody needs me. I am thankful for dirty dishes because I know that I've had the opportunity to fill someone's soul as well as their empty tummy!! It's all about the way we look at things...perspective....I have a tendency to be a little less than positive, most of the time...It's something that I've been working to improve. So, for me, a "blessed perspective" (looking at everything and seeing a blessing as opposed to a curse) is essential. Do I always use this? No, it's a work in progress and I am trying.....We lose so much, everyday, complaining because our lives are not perfect. We truly overlook those times when God wants us to be perfectly blessed!! It doesn't have to be something big....The perfect cup of tea....or the extra dollar you find in your handbag, when you desperately need it....or getting the needle threaded the first time.....or someone taking the time to invest in your self esteem, by complementing your choice of clothing....or the hands of your true love, the hand that you hold every night, while watching television....or when the cat jumps into your lap and you're feeling really lonely.....We are children of the Most High....He created each of us and as His children, He aches to see us experience His kind of joy. What a loving, caring awesome Father we have!! To know, that I am perfectly loved, when I feel so unlovely is a precious gift...My challenge to you, today, is to find three or four things, everyday that give you a blessing and tell someone!! Tomorrow is our holiday, celebrating Thanksgiving. But everyday can be Thanksgiving if we are watchful and open to seeing the blessings God gives us, each and every day!
I'm weary, still today, so I'm going to go back to bed and catch some more Zzzzzzs......I have a lot to do, to say the least, today and I want to get it all done!! Tomorrow, I want to rest and enjoy my time with my husband...I am truly looking forward to partaking in that prime rib.....Anyhoo...travel safe, be patient with all of the turkeys and be kind to one another....
In Him,
Lisa

True blessings come when you least expect them!

Many blessings to you, my friends, this chilly Tuesday morning....I have been up for a while! I had a stomach ache, so I decided to get up and be productive rather than lie awake in bed, staring at the ceiling, listening to Mark snore! It's a bake day, for me so I have to have my house a little warmer than usual. Yeast dough does not rise in the cold. So go get you a cup of tea....my tea d'jour is Oolong, (nice on a cold morning, when one has a sour stomach) ....pull up a chair and let me take you through my memories of holiday baking. Okay, here we go.......

I do so remember my girlhood days. My father was (and is, still) a home baker. When making holiday preparations, he'd work for three or four days, baking from before sunup, til dusk. Growing up, we had no forced air heating....Our house had a fireplace in the living room and a pot bellied stove in the kitchen. Dad would get up very early and set fires in the fireplace and in the stove. By the time we got up, it was toasty warm in the living room and in the kitchen and Daddy would be shelling walnuts or getting other preparations made. He'd make me a bowl of Cream of Wheat and I'd set at the kitchen table, just watching him. He loved to cook and bake (to my knowledge, he still does, though since Mother got sick and he has to do it all the time, he is less enthusiastic about it now, than he was before) My relationship with my father, growing up, was troubled at best. He was very domineering and I was very headstrong.....He was also very demonstrative of his anger and not very nice, with his words.....When I was a teen and my father and I couldn't talk about anything, we could still talk about food!! We can still talk about food....though we don't talk about much of anything else, so I guess not a lot has changed! (God, Bless my father and help him find comfort in You! ) Anyhow, back to the story! I'd watch him mix and knead and rise and shape and bake, literally, for days. He was always truly happy, creating. I know now, that I learned my true love for food, from my foodie father and that even though I wanted to learn absolutely nothing from him, I acquired all of my culinary skill from my Dad. And like him, I get so much out of having people enjoy my creations.....Daddy always just glowed on Thanksgiving Day and at Christmas Dinner.....He loved it when people loved his food and I am exactly the same way. ( As I age, I see more of my father in me than my mother and that's really surprising to me) I remember the house always smelled of fresh bread, right before Thanksgiving and Christmas and it is that scent that I most closely identify with a holiday, than any other. I bake my own bread, as much as possible, but with the advent of bread making machines, it's far less labor intensive as it was, when I was growing up. Still, my house always smells like Christmas, to me and it makes my heart smile, even if just for a moment! Allowing myself the indulgence of the end slice of bread, right as it comes out of the oven, schmeared with butter is another memory that for me, is absolutely saturated in the immutable pinkish blush of childhood!

I'm listening to my dishwasher running...finishing my third cup of morning tea and trying to formulate a plan for today.....I have a pie and two cheesecakes to bake, along with bread and rolls.....I need to make my cranberry sauce (yes, I make it myself) and get my stuffing veggies sauteed and in the fridge to let the flavors mature and combine....I need to prepare the marinade for the roast, so that those flavors can combine and mature.....and I still have a bunch of cleaning to do...I didn't get as much done yesterday, as I'd wanted....facebook was more interesting than housework!! I also had a disagreement with Mariah and removed her from my facebook friends list, for blatantly telling me to shut up!! I don't know that I'll add her again and the way I feel right now, if she never came to visit again and stayed in Texas for the rest of her life, I wouldn't have a problem with that!! She needs to learn some respect for the adults in her life....She needn't like me, as a person, but she must respect me, as an elder.....She's just so flagrant about her comments and such and I know, that Mark will end up taking her side, like he always does when it comes to his children. I cannot say as how I blame him....I would probably be the same way! Being a blended family is difficult, at best sometimes....I have always felt a little bit like an outsider....I know that Mark's God-given responsibility to me, his wife, is always going to take a back burner to his perceived responsibility to his children. Whereas if I were the mother of his children, there would be no conflict! He was already terse with me, yesterday, about deleting her, without waiting for him to read all of her nasty comments. Like he wanted to decide whether or not I had a valid reason for being upset with her. And for the second time, yesterday, I had to explain to Mark, that I was an adult and did not need his permission to do what I felt I needed to do to get my point across. The biggest thing his children both lack is respect for elders and parents. It's sad! I know very few children who respect elders....There are three....Michaela and Anna Winn, my soul sister Cindy's girls, who are 13 and 15....and Kaylee Ferreira, my soul sister Laura's youngest daughter.....she's 10. They are wonderfully respectful, gracious and well spoken young ladies.....I have been praying that God will help us in dealing with all of this....praying that He will show me what to do and how to proceed!!

Anyhoo...I have been up since around 3:30 this morning and I am still very weary!! I am going to fill my teacup again and try and settle down for another hour or so of sleep or I'm never going to get anything done, due to exhaustion.....Take care of each other, my friends and love like He loves....
In Him,
Lisa