Good Morning Friends, Neighbors and Countrymen...lend me your ears.
Starting the day with one on one quiet time with my hunny is something I haven't done in a very long time. Taking that time to reconnect as partners and friends meant the world to me, this morning. Mark took the day off work, today, so that he wouldn't be late for Mariah's back to school night function, tonight. We got up together, this morning, when he could have just as easily stayed in bed and let me get up to see our daughter off to school.....but he got up too!! After she left, he asked me for coffee and breakfast. So I made him some sausage and french toast and coffee and we sat at the kitchen table and took our meal together. I honestly loved spending the time with Mark. It made me feel loved and special...needed and appreciated. It felt good to begin the day, at the table, with Mark, meeting his needs and allowing him to meet mine.
It's a beautiful day out, today.....I am wondering if I can get the love of my life to take a walk with me, or something, just to get out of the house, for a time....Maybe get some exercise. He's asleep on the couch right now and the fresh mountain air would do him good! I'm glad he gets to rest a little bit extra, this week. He works so hard, to support us. I am so proud of the man of God he has become.
I had another great day yesterday....I overdid it at dinner, with my calories, but I asked for forgiveness and I forgave myself and today is a whole new day. I am really good at being negative with myself and I need to change that. Yesterday is gone....no matter how much I try, I will never ever be able to go back and change another thing about it. I can only go forward, learn from my mistakes and try again, today!! I'm not giving up....
Well, I had better git to the housework. It's not going to clean itself. I'm sorry that it's short today...I haven't a lot to say....My challenge to you, today is to tell someone three things you are thankful for....and I'll tell you mine, right now.....
1. I am thankful for Mariah's hair all over the bathroom sink, because she is here and not in Texas.
2. I am thankful for Mark's snoring, because he is beside me and not somewhere else.
3. I am thankful for dirty dishes because I have had the opportunity to serve my family and warm them from the inside.
Tell someone you love them today.....It means so much to hear it.
Love like He loves....
Blessings in Him,
Lisa
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Good Morning, Sunshine!!
Okay, so it's Tuesday and here I am, in my cave, writing to you, my beloved friends.......
Again, I am home bound today and happy about it. Firstly, because I am still getting used to having to control myself around food.....and secondly, because I just don't feel like going anywhere. It's one of those biologically female days for me....not my best days, for sure. I did well, yesterday!! I was faithful to my program and I kept to my calorie goal of 1500....Actually, I was under by 30 or so calories. I learned, yesterday, that a bag of Orville Reddenbacher Smart Pop Kettle Corn has only 20 calories for the entire bag!! Whoo Hoo, snack food!! I learned that I can sit and watch TV without stuffing something in my mouth, in the evening. I learned that when I am productive, I feel accomplished and seeing the look on Mark's face, when he walks in the door to a freshly cleaned home and a plate of hot dinner, after work, is worth more than a day at Disneyland....Yeah, I went there!! (with that statement, not Disneyland, though I would like to go) I was happy with the choices I made and I'm looking forward to giving my diabetes back and flushing all of my pills, when I reach my lifegoal.
So this morning, I had two fried eggs (fried no stick with cal free spray) and two pieces of whole wheat toast with Smart Balance and a cup of decaf with creamer (chemical cow) and a shot of sugar free Almond Roca syrup. I had 370 calories for breakfast and I feel really good about that. God is a great weight loss partner....lemme warn ya, though, when you're partners with someone who knows EVERYTHING? Ya pretty much have to listen to what He says.....and then ya gotta do what He says. I know that God loves me and that when my stomach growls and I ignore it or when I feel like I cannot go another minute without that scoop of ice cream,but abstain anyway that is God, reminding me that He loves me. Yes, I said reminding me....When I want something and deny myself, because He's said NO, then it's victory for me....and I feel it as victory. I know that He's said NO, because He loves me and wants the best for me and for my life. You see, the food means nothing.....It cannot dry my tears or make me feel better about myself. It cannot keep me company or love me when I feel unloved.....It cannot comfort me, when I am hurting and IT CANNOT FORGIVE MY SIN. It's just food!! I have placed food in the place of my King, because all of the things that food cannot do, God, my Heavenly Loving Father, can and does. He's promised to meet me in my faith and persevere with me, til the work is done. Philippians 1:6 (New King James Version)6 being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ; He is able, my friends, He is able.....
So today, I am having my coffee and my quiet time and I loooooove the scriptures of 1st and 2nd Chronicles....lots of really good life lessons, there. God has really just impressed on me, this scripture, from 1st Chronicles....Consider now, for the Lord has chosen you to build a temple as a sanctuary. Be strong [in the power of His might] and do the work. (I Chronicles 28:10) So I read and I read again and I consider and I consider again......
Remember what I said about being partners with someone who knows EVERYTHING? Well that would apply here.....I need to build a temple.....Huh? Obviously Father, you've forgotten about my mad skills with the hammer and why no one will let me have one, anymore.....I really can't build a sandwich without making a big mess....What do you mean, build a temple? Ohhh I get it...build my temple....my temple of the Holy Spirit.....The next part of the verse brought me to tears....."Be strong in the power of His might and do the work" No mincing words there....Looks pretty straight forward to me.....So, You and me, Lord....and thinking back to the eighth chapter of the book of Romans....If God is before me, who can come against me? TWINKIES?? Get thee behind me!! MC DONALD'S DOUBLE CHEESEBURGERS?? In Him, I am stronger!! Lemme stop before this becomes a bitter diatribe, with me, rebuking all of my favorite foods....That would take waaaaaaaay too long. I needed to hear those things today and I'm hoping that this will help another person, today, to chose life and victory over food.....Faith is the victory, food just tastes good!!
So another day of domestic bliss and blessedness for me.....I am hoping that all is well in your corner of the sky, today. I'd like to say Thank-you to my awesome friend Laura, who left me comments on yesterday's blog.....You are a great encouragement to me, my sister!! I would like to challenge each of you who read this, to look for something sent specifically for you, today, from God.
Love each other as He loves.....
Blessings in Him....
Lisa
Again, I am home bound today and happy about it. Firstly, because I am still getting used to having to control myself around food.....and secondly, because I just don't feel like going anywhere. It's one of those biologically female days for me....not my best days, for sure. I did well, yesterday!! I was faithful to my program and I kept to my calorie goal of 1500....Actually, I was under by 30 or so calories. I learned, yesterday, that a bag of Orville Reddenbacher Smart Pop Kettle Corn has only 20 calories for the entire bag!! Whoo Hoo, snack food!! I learned that I can sit and watch TV without stuffing something in my mouth, in the evening. I learned that when I am productive, I feel accomplished and seeing the look on Mark's face, when he walks in the door to a freshly cleaned home and a plate of hot dinner, after work, is worth more than a day at Disneyland....Yeah, I went there!! (with that statement, not Disneyland, though I would like to go) I was happy with the choices I made and I'm looking forward to giving my diabetes back and flushing all of my pills, when I reach my lifegoal.
So this morning, I had two fried eggs (fried no stick with cal free spray) and two pieces of whole wheat toast with Smart Balance and a cup of decaf with creamer (chemical cow) and a shot of sugar free Almond Roca syrup. I had 370 calories for breakfast and I feel really good about that. God is a great weight loss partner....lemme warn ya, though, when you're partners with someone who knows EVERYTHING? Ya pretty much have to listen to what He says.....and then ya gotta do what He says. I know that God loves me and that when my stomach growls and I ignore it or when I feel like I cannot go another minute without that scoop of ice cream,but abstain anyway that is God, reminding me that He loves me. Yes, I said reminding me....When I want something and deny myself, because He's said NO, then it's victory for me....and I feel it as victory. I know that He's said NO, because He loves me and wants the best for me and for my life. You see, the food means nothing.....It cannot dry my tears or make me feel better about myself. It cannot keep me company or love me when I feel unloved.....It cannot comfort me, when I am hurting and IT CANNOT FORGIVE MY SIN. It's just food!! I have placed food in the place of my King, because all of the things that food cannot do, God, my Heavenly Loving Father, can and does. He's promised to meet me in my faith and persevere with me, til the work is done. Philippians 1:6 (New King James Version)6 being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ; He is able, my friends, He is able.....
So today, I am having my coffee and my quiet time and I loooooove the scriptures of 1st and 2nd Chronicles....lots of really good life lessons, there. God has really just impressed on me, this scripture, from 1st Chronicles....Consider now, for the Lord has chosen you to build a temple as a sanctuary. Be strong [in the power of His might] and do the work. (I Chronicles 28:10) So I read and I read again and I consider and I consider again......
Remember what I said about being partners with someone who knows EVERYTHING? Well that would apply here.....I need to build a temple.....Huh? Obviously Father, you've forgotten about my mad skills with the hammer and why no one will let me have one, anymore.....I really can't build a sandwich without making a big mess....What do you mean, build a temple? Ohhh I get it...build my temple....my temple of the Holy Spirit.....The next part of the verse brought me to tears....."Be strong in the power of His might and do the work" No mincing words there....Looks pretty straight forward to me.....So, You and me, Lord....and thinking back to the eighth chapter of the book of Romans....If God is before me, who can come against me? TWINKIES?? Get thee behind me!! MC DONALD'S DOUBLE CHEESEBURGERS?? In Him, I am stronger!! Lemme stop before this becomes a bitter diatribe, with me, rebuking all of my favorite foods....That would take waaaaaaaay too long. I needed to hear those things today and I'm hoping that this will help another person, today, to chose life and victory over food.....Faith is the victory, food just tastes good!!
So another day of domestic bliss and blessedness for me.....I am hoping that all is well in your corner of the sky, today. I'd like to say Thank-you to my awesome friend Laura, who left me comments on yesterday's blog.....You are a great encouragement to me, my sister!! I would like to challenge each of you who read this, to look for something sent specifically for you, today, from God.
Love each other as He loves.....
Blessings in Him....
Lisa
Monday, August 30, 2010
Why I Love Mondays!
Good Monday Morning, my sweet Webbies!!
Well here I sit, on another lovely Monday morning, praising God that I have breath and life and hope!! Last week was rough for me, but I will not be moved!! I love Mondays!! I love Mondays because it's the beginning of a whole new week, the slate is clean and I am alone with my thoughts and feelings.....I love my family....I love their noise and their energy on the weekends, but Monday, for me, is like a breath of fresh air. I can sit at my computer, in the living room with my cup of coffee and write, without listening to the television. I don't have to play referee between my 14 year old child and my 47 year old child. Monday is the day when I plan my week. Though this week is going to be uneventful, I am happy to be able to have the time to take care of the things I have been putting off, in my home and in my life.
I have been putting off going back on a sensible eating plan. I know that this is the only way that I am going to be able to live a long and healthy life. The big question always is....Which plan do I choose? I never try and make a decision without the input of my Heavenly Father. I had been doing well with The Atkins Diet, but when I quit smoking, back in October, my body just refused to give up another single pound to Dr. Atkins and started keeping the pounds for itself!! Weight Watchers is a great program, but too liberal for me, with foods....I need regimentation and I need a fixed point of control. I even went to the clinic doc, up at our clinic and he told me that starvation might work for me.......NOT!! Last week, while Mariah was in counseling with Pastor Dave, I was rooting around in my car, for something to read and I came across a book that I'd forgotten I had. It's called The Diabetes Weight Loss System....Written by 3 doctors, specifically for people with Type 2 diabetes. I started reading it and it felt really good to know that I didn't need to restrict myself to a specific food ideation. I can eat carbohydrates, fruits and breads as long as I control my portions. In order to lose weight, you have to eat less and move more and that's how simple it really is. I have been making things really difficult for myself, when it really is just that simple. All these diets that say you shouldn't count calories or fat grams.....what a bunch of hooey!! Part of my issue with food is my inability to take responsibility for my eating....the food becomes a stronghold and I am a slave, within those walls, to food, rebellion, gluttony, slothfulness, disobedience, self hatred, loathing and finally, death. So today, I started the basic plan....1500 recorded calories a day.....I have to keep a food journal and I have to be accountable for my choices.....This morning, for breakfast, I had a cup of decaf with creamer and sweetener, I had a half of a bagel spread with Smart Balance spread and I had a large plum...a perfect start to the day with 305 calories. As soon as I'm done with my coffee and my blogging, I'm going to go and dance in my kitchen, with my MP3 player.....Keep me in your prayers, my friends, I could really use them.
Mariah is doing really well, in school. She loves her high school and is making new friends, every day. I am proud of her verve and her moxie. She continues to amaze me, everyday with her awesomeness and her strength. Her mother made it sound like she had behavior issues, warning us of her smart sassy mouth and her temper(uhhhh Duh!! She's 14??).....She hasn't shown me in any way shape or form, that she's got any behavior issues. She fits us like a kid glove and we've tucked her quite nicely, into our lives.....We are a family and we're happy. Mariah is continuing to grow strong in her faith and God is walking her through, day by day. That's all I can really ask for, as a mother and a friend.....Lord, lead her on to a place where the river runs into Your keeping!! All I've ever wanted was to be Mariah's friend, but honestly, right now, I look at her and am amazed at my own feelings. The love that God has given me, for Mariah is as complete as if she had indeed, come from my body. She never grew under my heart, but she did grow in it.
Well, I think that's about it, for now!! I've got some housework to do and some other fun stuff that needs getting done, so I'm going to close for now....I'm thinking about you, my friends and I pray that the Lord makes Himself known to you, today in an amazing and powerful way!!
Love each other as He loves....
Blessings in Him,
Lisa
Well here I sit, on another lovely Monday morning, praising God that I have breath and life and hope!! Last week was rough for me, but I will not be moved!! I love Mondays!! I love Mondays because it's the beginning of a whole new week, the slate is clean and I am alone with my thoughts and feelings.....I love my family....I love their noise and their energy on the weekends, but Monday, for me, is like a breath of fresh air. I can sit at my computer, in the living room with my cup of coffee and write, without listening to the television. I don't have to play referee between my 14 year old child and my 47 year old child. Monday is the day when I plan my week. Though this week is going to be uneventful, I am happy to be able to have the time to take care of the things I have been putting off, in my home and in my life.
I have been putting off going back on a sensible eating plan. I know that this is the only way that I am going to be able to live a long and healthy life. The big question always is....Which plan do I choose? I never try and make a decision without the input of my Heavenly Father. I had been doing well with The Atkins Diet, but when I quit smoking, back in October, my body just refused to give up another single pound to Dr. Atkins and started keeping the pounds for itself!! Weight Watchers is a great program, but too liberal for me, with foods....I need regimentation and I need a fixed point of control. I even went to the clinic doc, up at our clinic and he told me that starvation might work for me.......NOT!! Last week, while Mariah was in counseling with Pastor Dave, I was rooting around in my car, for something to read and I came across a book that I'd forgotten I had. It's called The Diabetes Weight Loss System....Written by 3 doctors, specifically for people with Type 2 diabetes. I started reading it and it felt really good to know that I didn't need to restrict myself to a specific food ideation. I can eat carbohydrates, fruits and breads as long as I control my portions. In order to lose weight, you have to eat less and move more and that's how simple it really is. I have been making things really difficult for myself, when it really is just that simple. All these diets that say you shouldn't count calories or fat grams.....what a bunch of hooey!! Part of my issue with food is my inability to take responsibility for my eating....the food becomes a stronghold and I am a slave, within those walls, to food, rebellion, gluttony, slothfulness, disobedience, self hatred, loathing and finally, death. So today, I started the basic plan....1500 recorded calories a day.....I have to keep a food journal and I have to be accountable for my choices.....This morning, for breakfast, I had a cup of decaf with creamer and sweetener, I had a half of a bagel spread with Smart Balance spread and I had a large plum...a perfect start to the day with 305 calories. As soon as I'm done with my coffee and my blogging, I'm going to go and dance in my kitchen, with my MP3 player.....Keep me in your prayers, my friends, I could really use them.
Mariah is doing really well, in school. She loves her high school and is making new friends, every day. I am proud of her verve and her moxie. She continues to amaze me, everyday with her awesomeness and her strength. Her mother made it sound like she had behavior issues, warning us of her smart sassy mouth and her temper(uhhhh Duh!! She's 14??).....She hasn't shown me in any way shape or form, that she's got any behavior issues. She fits us like a kid glove and we've tucked her quite nicely, into our lives.....We are a family and we're happy. Mariah is continuing to grow strong in her faith and God is walking her through, day by day. That's all I can really ask for, as a mother and a friend.....Lord, lead her on to a place where the river runs into Your keeping!! All I've ever wanted was to be Mariah's friend, but honestly, right now, I look at her and am amazed at my own feelings. The love that God has given me, for Mariah is as complete as if she had indeed, come from my body. She never grew under my heart, but she did grow in it.
Well, I think that's about it, for now!! I've got some housework to do and some other fun stuff that needs getting done, so I'm going to close for now....I'm thinking about you, my friends and I pray that the Lord makes Himself known to you, today in an amazing and powerful way!!
Love each other as He loves....
Blessings in Him,
Lisa
Friday, August 27, 2010
Four Generations
I changed the picture on my blog, this morning.....My cousin Ginny posted this picture on her facebook page, last night....I don't have any pictures of myself, growing up, my mother and father have them all, so this picture is really important to me....In the picture is my grandmother (Helen Magda Hertlein Millen) on the top left, my mother(Kathleen Nancy Millen Levno) on the top right and on the bottom, my great-grandmother(Magda Hedwig Nutsch Hertlein) holding me (Lisa Michele Levno Anderson).....Yes, I was that small at one time.....
I know I haven't written in many months...I've been getting the house settled. With Mariah living with us, now, we had some changes to make and some opportunities to conquer, but things are settling now. I am in a good place. God is on His throne and all is well, with the world. Well, my world, at least.
Mariah came to stay, technically for the summer only on June 5. She was due to go home on August 3rd. She decided she wanted to stay forever and live here and that was a big surprise. Her daddy was as proud as anything and I am happy to be able to parent my daughter in person, as opposed to doing it over a cell phone or text messages. She's fit into our groove with absolutely no complications or issues. For a teenage girl, she is a joy to parent. Her mother, on the other hand, didn't take things so very well and there were some things said and done that are going to take time and the love of God, to fix. God is in control though and I am in awe of the things He is doing in Mariah's life and in the life of our family.....
Well, I've got to get to HRC and pick up our produce for this next two weeks....Our Human Resources Council of Calaveras County, in partnership with our local growers, gives away produce to all who are willing to take it, ever other Friday....It's been a huge blessing to us and we are thankful for it. Anyhoo, I'll try and write a bit more, when I return....
Love each other as He loves,
Blessings,
Lisa
I know I haven't written in many months...I've been getting the house settled. With Mariah living with us, now, we had some changes to make and some opportunities to conquer, but things are settling now. I am in a good place. God is on His throne and all is well, with the world. Well, my world, at least.
Mariah came to stay, technically for the summer only on June 5. She was due to go home on August 3rd. She decided she wanted to stay forever and live here and that was a big surprise. Her daddy was as proud as anything and I am happy to be able to parent my daughter in person, as opposed to doing it over a cell phone or text messages. She's fit into our groove with absolutely no complications or issues. For a teenage girl, she is a joy to parent. Her mother, on the other hand, didn't take things so very well and there were some things said and done that are going to take time and the love of God, to fix. God is in control though and I am in awe of the things He is doing in Mariah's life and in the life of our family.....
Well, I've got to get to HRC and pick up our produce for this next two weeks....Our Human Resources Council of Calaveras County, in partnership with our local growers, gives away produce to all who are willing to take it, ever other Friday....It's been a huge blessing to us and we are thankful for it. Anyhoo, I'll try and write a bit more, when I return....
Love each other as He loves,
Blessings,
Lisa
Thursday, June 3, 2010
In My Daughter's Eyes......
On My Daughter's Eyes-Martina McBride
In my daughter's eyes I am a hero,
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see,
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be
In my daughter's eyes
In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light and the
world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me
gives me strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes
And when she wraps her hand
around my finger
It puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about
It's hangin' on when your heart
has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my daughter's eyes
In my daughter's eyes I can see the future
A reflection of who I am and what will be
Though she'll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you see how happy
she made me
For I'll be there
In my daughter's eyes
This song means so much to me.....I always wanted to be a mom...to raise children of my own, but God had other plans for my life. Though I didn't end up with children of my own, I ended up with a beautiful blessing, sent straight from God. Mark's daughter Mariah, has been in my life since she was four years old. I don't know how many of you have ever been a stepmom. We don't have the best of reputations....We don't have the easiest of jobs, either. It's been about three years now, that Mariah and I have been close. Mark and I had about six months of rough in 2007 and it was then, that Mariah really started to warm to me. I did a lot of changing in those six months as well and that could have been the harbinger for the changes in our relationship. One of the best memories I have of Mariah, in the early years of her life is when she was five. I took her (along with my sister and my niece) to Disneyland, in November. They had just started doing Christmas things at Disneyland and we got to see the Christmas fireworks. After the fireworks, they played "I'll Be Home For Christmas" and it "snowed" on Main Street I picked Mariah up and we danced in the "snow"and then she laid her head on my shoulder and said "I really love you, Momma"....That was the day I began to feel real!! If you don't know what I mean by feeling real, read this: http://digital.library.upenn.edu/women/williams/rabbit/rabbit.html...Things haven't been easy for Mariah and I....These kind of relationships are seldom easy. I have always told her that I didn't want to be her Mommy....Jen is her Mommy....I only wanted to be her friend. She started calling me Momma, on that trip to Disneyland and then stopped and called me Lisa, up until two years ago, when she started calling me Momma again. Mariah is fourteen now!! She visits us every summer, from Texas, for two months. It's easy to tuck her into our lives and difficult to part with her, when her time with us is up. I remember, last year, as I watched her plane taxi out onto the runway, I wanted to run out onto the tarmac and make them turn around and give my baby back to me. When I watched the plane climb into the sky, I felt like a piece of me, a piece of my heart that I wanted and needed, was being torn away and thrown to the wind!! I don't remember walking through the terminal, back to the car!!
She got her own cell phone, this winter and now, we talk almost every day, either via text message or over the air. I want so much for her....she is not the flesh of my flesh and she is not the bone of my bone......she is the desire of my heart.
The day after tomorrow, we will go and pick her up from the airport. We will be a family again and all will be right in the world. Mark and I live for these next two months. Mariah is loved by our friends and our church family....she's basically spoiled to life and sweetly indulged in all the love and attention we can pay her. I am so thankful to my Heavenly Father for making me a momma to this young lady!! I'm proud of her and I watch in awe, as she grows into womanhood. Last year, when she came, I complimented her, on her manners.....She was just being very respectful to people and very polite and mannerly and I told her that I was proud, that she was learning good things from her mother and she said to me, "Mommy didn't teach me these manners, I learned them from you" That was the most significant compliment I've ever received in my entire life.....I just wanted to take this time and reflect on some of the things my daughter has meant to me, these past 10 years....the ways she's changed me. I am happy to be a stepmom, that my daughter opened her heart and gave me the opportunity to love her.
Well, it's another day of chores!! I'm cleaning my living room and bathroom and then going upstairs to attempt to scale clothesonthefloor mountain.....I guess I'll talk to you all, tomorrow.....Love as He loves !!
In Him,
Lisa
In my daughter's eyes I am a hero,
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see,
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be
In my daughter's eyes
In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light and the
world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me
gives me strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes
And when she wraps her hand
around my finger
It puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about
It's hangin' on when your heart
has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my daughter's eyes
In my daughter's eyes I can see the future
A reflection of who I am and what will be
Though she'll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you see how happy
she made me
For I'll be there
In my daughter's eyes
This song means so much to me.....I always wanted to be a mom...to raise children of my own, but God had other plans for my life. Though I didn't end up with children of my own, I ended up with a beautiful blessing, sent straight from God. Mark's daughter Mariah, has been in my life since she was four years old. I don't know how many of you have ever been a stepmom. We don't have the best of reputations....We don't have the easiest of jobs, either. It's been about three years now, that Mariah and I have been close. Mark and I had about six months of rough in 2007 and it was then, that Mariah really started to warm to me. I did a lot of changing in those six months as well and that could have been the harbinger for the changes in our relationship. One of the best memories I have of Mariah, in the early years of her life is when she was five. I took her (along with my sister and my niece) to Disneyland, in November. They had just started doing Christmas things at Disneyland and we got to see the Christmas fireworks. After the fireworks, they played "I'll Be Home For Christmas" and it "snowed" on Main Street I picked Mariah up and we danced in the "snow"and then she laid her head on my shoulder and said "I really love you, Momma"....That was the day I began to feel real!! If you don't know what I mean by feeling real, read this: http://digital.library.upenn.edu/women/williams/rabbit/rabbit.html...Things haven't been easy for Mariah and I....These kind of relationships are seldom easy. I have always told her that I didn't want to be her Mommy....Jen is her Mommy....I only wanted to be her friend. She started calling me Momma, on that trip to Disneyland and then stopped and called me Lisa, up until two years ago, when she started calling me Momma again. Mariah is fourteen now!! She visits us every summer, from Texas, for two months. It's easy to tuck her into our lives and difficult to part with her, when her time with us is up. I remember, last year, as I watched her plane taxi out onto the runway, I wanted to run out onto the tarmac and make them turn around and give my baby back to me. When I watched the plane climb into the sky, I felt like a piece of me, a piece of my heart that I wanted and needed, was being torn away and thrown to the wind!! I don't remember walking through the terminal, back to the car!!
She got her own cell phone, this winter and now, we talk almost every day, either via text message or over the air. I want so much for her....she is not the flesh of my flesh and she is not the bone of my bone......she is the desire of my heart.
The day after tomorrow, we will go and pick her up from the airport. We will be a family again and all will be right in the world. Mark and I live for these next two months. Mariah is loved by our friends and our church family....she's basically spoiled to life and sweetly indulged in all the love and attention we can pay her. I am so thankful to my Heavenly Father for making me a momma to this young lady!! I'm proud of her and I watch in awe, as she grows into womanhood. Last year, when she came, I complimented her, on her manners.....She was just being very respectful to people and very polite and mannerly and I told her that I was proud, that she was learning good things from her mother and she said to me, "Mommy didn't teach me these manners, I learned them from you" That was the most significant compliment I've ever received in my entire life.....I just wanted to take this time and reflect on some of the things my daughter has meant to me, these past 10 years....the ways she's changed me. I am happy to be a stepmom, that my daughter opened her heart and gave me the opportunity to love her.
Well, it's another day of chores!! I'm cleaning my living room and bathroom and then going upstairs to attempt to scale clothesonthefloor mountain.....I guess I'll talk to you all, tomorrow.....Love as He loves !!
In Him,
Lisa
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Submission? YES!!
Good Monday Afternoon, my faithful webbies!! I am wishing you much joy and much peace this afternoon....I am in a good place. I spent a lot of time, honestly communicating with Mark yesterday and I believe we are finally on the same page!! To tell you the truth, I don't think I could get any happier....Well, maybe if I were taken up in the rapture, right now, that might make me happier.....Father deliver me from dirty dishes and having to bake bread, today!! Seriously, I have been trying to get Mark to step into the dominant husband/household leader role for three years now and at last, we have come to the conclusion that I would be a much happier and productive wife if he were more insistent and I was more submissive.....I grew up with very dominant parents. I learned to be submissive, subservient even, to my father, especially. My father was an "I say jump and you say how high" man. I learned that domination meant security,comfort and a sense of well-being. Now, as a wife, having to be "on my own" so to speak has made me feel very chaotic and ineffective. I finally realized yesterday, that the reason I feel doubtful sometimes of the sincerity and validity of my husband's profession of feeling to me has to do with the fact that he is reluctant to take hold of my submission and be insistent. He refuses, in my eyes to take authority over my actions and my habits, so he can't possibly care for me, as much as he says. I promised to obey (You bet your sweet bippy, I did!!) and yet he gives me no rules, in which to frame that obedience. My scripture for today is Ephesians 5: 21-33
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body,b]">[b] of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”c]">[c] 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
This is a glorious and sweet testament to how men and women should be living and loving, within the confines of their marriages. I believe that the breakdown of most of the marriages, in the US, is due to the fact that men are letting their wives run things and women have little to no respect for their husbands. Our husbands are to nourish our love and cherish our submission. Loving someone means being concerned about their well being and building them up through instruction. It also means correction and discipline when expectations are not met. I'm not talking about anything that resembles abuse or slavery! That's not love. I want Mark to understand that my submission to him, as the leader of our marriage is a huge deal!! It's a gift!! It's what I need to feel nourished and cherished. It means that he values me enough to treat me like Christ treats the church. In return, I am to submit to him in ALL things, obey and respect him. Respect means to have a positive feeling of esteem towards another person and then the carrying out of actions and conduct representative to that esteem. Believe it or not, we wives were not created as equals, to our husbands. God made Adam in His OWN IMAGE. He made Eve as a companion, to compliment Adam. I am not equal to Mark.....Physically, we are different, we think and feel differently....Why should I begin to even think that I can compete with God's original plan for a man and a woman? How is it that I can justify the subversion of God's will for (and His word regarding the dynamics of) my marriage by taking on the roll of "the boss"? On both fronts, I cannot!! So last night, I began truly submitting my will and my self, to my husband and let me tell you, the feeling of relief and blessing is amazing!! I feel the peace that passes understanding, because by submitting to Mark in all things, I am being obedient to God. I can't say that I expect everyone to understand or agree with me, people will interpret God's word individually......But this works for us!! Mark called, a few minutes ago, to check on me....to see what I was doing!! The former me would see this as being an intrusion on my day...and indication that he didn't trust me to do what needed to be done and I would have treated him brusquely, rudely even!! He sounded so happy and so proud of the fact that I was doing as he instructed and that in turn, made me proud that I was pleasing him.
Well, the afternoon is slipping away and I still have dishes to wash and bread to make, so I must be getting on, to get all that fun stuff done. I also have to get a casserole for dinner made and set the table and I still have other chores. Mariah will be with us now, in three days!! I'm excited to have her with us, this summer. I am also excited that our movie, Eclipse will be out in 28 days!!I know there are some of you that don't understand our interest in these books/movies, but we're supporting our daughter and taking an interest in what she enjoys and that's important. I love the love story and the special effects in the movies are really great!! At first, I didn't want anything to do with the series....Then my daughter cornered me and pulled the "have an open mind" card on me....That card is a sensitive issue for me, because I swore that I would always have an open mind with my children and not be so regimented and closed minded as my parents were......So here we are!! Well anyhoo, I've drawled on forever today and I have chores to finish!! I love you all and look forward to meeting up with you soon!! Love like He loves!!
In Him,
Lisa
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body,b]">[b] of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”c]">[c] 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
This is a glorious and sweet testament to how men and women should be living and loving, within the confines of their marriages. I believe that the breakdown of most of the marriages, in the US, is due to the fact that men are letting their wives run things and women have little to no respect for their husbands. Our husbands are to nourish our love and cherish our submission. Loving someone means being concerned about their well being and building them up through instruction. It also means correction and discipline when expectations are not met. I'm not talking about anything that resembles abuse or slavery! That's not love. I want Mark to understand that my submission to him, as the leader of our marriage is a huge deal!! It's a gift!! It's what I need to feel nourished and cherished. It means that he values me enough to treat me like Christ treats the church. In return, I am to submit to him in ALL things, obey and respect him. Respect means to have a positive feeling of esteem towards another person and then the carrying out of actions and conduct representative to that esteem. Believe it or not, we wives were not created as equals, to our husbands. God made Adam in His OWN IMAGE. He made Eve as a companion, to compliment Adam. I am not equal to Mark.....Physically, we are different, we think and feel differently....Why should I begin to even think that I can compete with God's original plan for a man and a woman? How is it that I can justify the subversion of God's will for (and His word regarding the dynamics of) my marriage by taking on the roll of "the boss"? On both fronts, I cannot!! So last night, I began truly submitting my will and my self, to my husband and let me tell you, the feeling of relief and blessing is amazing!! I feel the peace that passes understanding, because by submitting to Mark in all things, I am being obedient to God. I can't say that I expect everyone to understand or agree with me, people will interpret God's word individually......But this works for us!! Mark called, a few minutes ago, to check on me....to see what I was doing!! The former me would see this as being an intrusion on my day...and indication that he didn't trust me to do what needed to be done and I would have treated him brusquely, rudely even!! He sounded so happy and so proud of the fact that I was doing as he instructed and that in turn, made me proud that I was pleasing him.
Well, the afternoon is slipping away and I still have dishes to wash and bread to make, so I must be getting on, to get all that fun stuff done. I also have to get a casserole for dinner made and set the table and I still have other chores. Mariah will be with us now, in three days!! I'm excited to have her with us, this summer. I am also excited that our movie, Eclipse will be out in 28 days!!I know there are some of you that don't understand our interest in these books/movies, but we're supporting our daughter and taking an interest in what she enjoys and that's important. I love the love story and the special effects in the movies are really great!! At first, I didn't want anything to do with the series....Then my daughter cornered me and pulled the "have an open mind" card on me....That card is a sensitive issue for me, because I swore that I would always have an open mind with my children and not be so regimented and closed minded as my parents were......So here we are!! Well anyhoo, I've drawled on forever today and I have chores to finish!! I love you all and look forward to meeting up with you soon!! Love like He loves!!
In Him,
Lisa
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Day by Day.......
It's late on Sunday evening and I'm sitting here in contemplation. A lot of you know that my favorite hymn is Day by Day. I have loved this song since my Nazarene days. We sang it today, in church and the last part of the second verse really really hit me; Brought me to tears. Last week, we mailed a necklace to Mariah.....A necklace that had been anointed with oil, blessed and prayed over by our pastoral team. Pastor Fred warned us that we would be up for attack from the enemy, once that necklace was placed in Mariah's hand. She received her necklace on Monday and on Tuesday, the attack began.....My toe became badly infected with cellulitis. On Thursday, Mark's car broke down...yesterday, Mark discovered that the car is going to need more repair than he thought. Please my brothers and sisters, pray for us as we put on the armor of Christ and fight the enemy for our daughter's soul. Anyhoo, as I was standing up on the pulpit singing, God hit me with it, head on. Sweetly broken and wholly surrendered, I wept, for my daughter, for our coming battles and with joy, because my Heavenly Father gives me so much more than I deserve!! The protection of His child and treasure Is a charge that on Himself He laid;“As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure,”This the pledge to me He made. No words meant more to me, than these, today. The promise that God will protect us and strengthen us, while we persevere through this time, is mind-blowing. I have the promise, I have the faith......I HAVE THE VICTORY!!! When the devil came after me, wanting to steal, kill and destroy my marriage, I fought and I won!! I will fight for my daughter and I will win. Hear that devil? You will not win!! You might as well just get thee behind me, right now, give up and save us both the time!!! I'm trusting God to deliver her, just like He delivered Mark and I.
Well, one more day of this long weekend and I am happy to have a little extra time with Mark. He works so much and during the week, I miss him. Having the extra time to spend with him is worth so much to me!! The extra rest will be good for him. We have issues, during the week, with getting enough rest. If he would just admit that I'm right and go to bed when I tell him to, then things would be fine, right??? And if you believe that, I have a bridge to sell you, at a really great price!! Getting Mark to go to bed is like trying to reason with my fourteen year old.....All he hears is Blah Blah BlaBlaBlah......I wish he was more like our dog....a biscuit or a handful of Cheez-Its and he'd do anything I ask.......No, really, I try to be quiet and gentle with Mark, well at least sometimes....I love Mark and I only want to protect him from getting overtired. He sees it as me being naggy and controlling......We've agreed to disagree.....Like I said, if he'd just realize that I'm right.......Oh forget it and stop rolling your eyes, I know as well as you that the chances of that happening is as slight as Obama suddenly becoming an ultra-right conservative republican....Tell me another fable, Aesop!!
So I better git!! It's near on to time to retire for the evening and fall asleep to mind-numbing repeats of Hannah Montana (seriously, stop laughing....I find most network TV, vile and repulsive) I love you everybody and have a wonderful evening and a happy Memorial day!
In Him
Lisa
Well, one more day of this long weekend and I am happy to have a little extra time with Mark. He works so much and during the week, I miss him. Having the extra time to spend with him is worth so much to me!! The extra rest will be good for him. We have issues, during the week, with getting enough rest. If he would just admit that I'm right and go to bed when I tell him to, then things would be fine, right??? And if you believe that, I have a bridge to sell you, at a really great price!! Getting Mark to go to bed is like trying to reason with my fourteen year old.....All he hears is Blah Blah BlaBlaBlah......I wish he was more like our dog....a biscuit or a handful of Cheez-Its and he'd do anything I ask.......No, really, I try to be quiet and gentle with Mark, well at least sometimes....I love Mark and I only want to protect him from getting overtired. He sees it as me being naggy and controlling......We've agreed to disagree.....Like I said, if he'd just realize that I'm right.......Oh forget it and stop rolling your eyes, I know as well as you that the chances of that happening is as slight as Obama suddenly becoming an ultra-right conservative republican....Tell me another fable, Aesop!!
So I better git!! It's near on to time to retire for the evening and fall asleep to mind-numbing repeats of Hannah Montana (seriously, stop laughing....I find most network TV, vile and repulsive) I love you everybody and have a wonderful evening and a happy Memorial day!
In Him
Lisa
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