Hi-dee Ho, Blog fans....
I've missed a couple of days....Had a couple of set-backs, but no worries, I'm still strong and on track....Learning to bounce back has never been my strong suit! I've always been okay with letting things get to me, letting things take me down and leave me broken and bleeding.....Not now, though!! It seems, the stronger I feel, the harder the enemy fights to bring me down....I'm not about to let Satan's grimey hands ruin everything I've been trying to accomplish.....everything I'm working so hard to attain!!
So here's how it all went down!!
Friday morning, Mark and I get up at 5:30 am (after having gone to bed at nearly 2 am) and we get Mariah up and rolling towards getting to school. Just before she leaves, I was commenting on how many programs Mark has been recording on the DVR and he looked at me, from the computer and told me that if I didn't like it, I was free to leave....that I knew where the door was and how to use it. In one sentence, the enemy had me in chains, broken, bleeding and nearly destroyed. The one thing I fear, above having to leave my home and return to the home of my father, is Mark forcing me to leave my home and our marriage like he tried to do, back in 2007. The six months of emotional estrangement I experienced with Mark was the second most trying thing I've ever endured. The words he said, which were straight from the mouth of the enemy, brought back so many unhappy and terrifying memories of infidelity, hurt and abandonment! I cried for a long time, thinking about what he'd said, all those years ago. When we went back to bed, after Mariah went off to the bus stop, what's the first thing that happened? I dreamed that Mark's ex-girlfriend Terri had taken a knife and cut up my face, leaving me to bleed, while she and Mark stood there and laughed at me. (Terri was the person Mark was planning on replacing me with, after he forced me to leave my home and my life) I let the enemy bring me down, but I didn't divert from my food plan and I still got myself to the gym, after Mark went to work and I did my full 30 minutes on the bike! When I asked God what He wanted me to learn from this, His answer was very clear.....Lisa, you need to learn to love yourself, despite the world around you and you need to FORGET.
Last night, Saturday, I got another blow from the enemy!! I went outside late, to take the dog out, just before bed and I heard our neighbor, Shane, yelling at his seven year old son, Robby. He was angry. Angry yelling terrifies me, beyond all thought.... Apparently Robby'd lied to him and he was mercilessly posing question after question to the little guy....."Why did you lie? Why do you always lie? Lying is wrong, why do you do it?" and Robby cried and pleaded back to him...."I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Daddy, I won't do it again, I promise!" I don't know if he ended up spanking the poor kid, I had to go back inside or face getting sick all over my front yard. The memory of pleading with my own father, to remove the threat of the beating I would undoubtedly receive or at least lessen it's severity, was fresh in my mind, as if it were happening then and there, to me....I hurried inside to Mark and fell into his embrace, weeping and shaking....He promised me, that as he was my partner and my love, he was also my protector...that he would never allow anyone to hurt me, like that, again. As I went upstairs, to get ready for bed, I asked God again, what He needed me to learn from this......God always answers my seeking and I was not surprised when He said...."Lisa, the past is gone, best just forget it....Leave your protection in My hands and know that this is for My glory" I was surprised though, that the first thing that happened, as I fell asleep, in bed was that I woke up, after just having fallen to sleep, to Mark throwing my hand off of him, as I dug my fingernails into his side. I dreamed that I was on the floor, in my childhood home and my father was standing above me, beating me with is belt.....Even though I was frightened, I had had it, clear up to my eyeballs with this trickery and rot! I wasn't taking this anymore....I started to sing, in my head, " Come Holy Spirit, I need you....Come Sweet Spirit, I pray....Come in Thy strength and Thy power....Come in Thine own gentle way." I felt the Holy Spirit descend upon me and I fell into sleep, easily and was not troubled by anymore scary dreams.....
These past couple of days have been a bit on the difficult side, for me....Having to stand against the assault of the strongman....Having to face my most terrifying fears and memories was not fun. But, through it all, I didn't turn to my false comforter, food.....Both times, I called upon the Lord and He sent His healing rain. I relied on Him, for His strength....Both incidents, this weekend, have proven to me, that the need to forget my past is strong. At church today, I asked Pastor Dave, if I could resume my counseling and he said I could....I'll see him now, Thursdays at 1:30.....I know that I am in for a long haul with this, but it has to be done! I can no longer let the tragedies from my past determine what and who I will become in the future.....I will no longer relive the past and I cannot allow those who mistreated me, broke my spirit and my heart, stole my youth, my dreams and my hope...to steal the joy that I feel as a wife, a mother and servant of the Most High. I will not allow it!! The lamb has become the lioness and she is highly honked off!!
So, my prayer for Friday was to get through the weekend, without cheating! I made it! We went out to eat at Perko's on Saturday night and I was so proud of myself....I stayed on my plan and I didn't have to spend an arm, a leg and two eyeballs to do it!! I need to remember to carry my liquid Stevia with me, when I eat out though....I hate black coffee and since I cannot have caffeine, Nutra Sweet or sugar or any sort of powdered sweetener, my choice of drinks is rather limited!! I can have decaf or water.....Here at home, I drink decaf Ice Tea with Stevia or liquid Splenda or Shasta soda..Grapefruit, Root Beer and Creme Soda....all caffeine free and sweetened with Splenda....I can also have Diet Rite and Hansens, but Shasta is cheaper...we got it for $2.58 a twelve pack at Food for Less. I have a difficult time on the weekends...Mark and Mariah are both home and I don't want to hold them back, because I cannot eat what they can and I don't want to feel left out because I cannot eat what they can. This time, though, I stayed strong and I kept my resolve.....I put my trust in God and let Him hold me up and keep me strong...I forgot what it felt like to cheat and I forgot what it felt like to fail. I was happy to finally feel what it was like to succeed. What a sweet sweet feeling....It was truly a healing rain!
I am looking forward to this next two weeks. Mark is back to day shift, so we'll have him home in the evenings. I am starting counseling again, so I don't have to shoulder this burden alone, any longer and I have a whole new week of learning, ahead of me.....Please remember me, in your prayers.....
I hope this weekend has been good for each one of you.....
Love as He loves.....
In Him,
Lisa
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Cherish the Treasure
Good Evening, O ye Webbie friends......
I apologize for the late post.....Mark is on nights, this week and I had some things to do, this afternoon....Then with making dinner and eating....So here I am! Bright eyed and bushy tailed!! The muscles in my arms, shoulders and chest are threatening to stage a coup, if I continue to work them out, so I'm in a little bit of pain. I welcome the pain, though, it's a reminder that I was faithful in my commitment to working out, everyday! I am feeling really good!! I have stayed on my food plan for almost three days, now and my appetite has calmed, quite a bit, along with my mood. This evening, I discovered the joys of jicama. Jicama is part of the radish family....When you see it in the grocery, it's ugly...the size of a softball and covered in a rustic tan peel. Lemme tell ya, this stuff is good. Crunchy and slightly sweet, it really made my boring "shrubbery" salad come alive. I really want to go and eat the rest of it, but I'm learning self control, so I have to put it away and save it, to enjoy another day! I want to tell you, also, about a company called Walden Farms.....They make things like salad dressings, dessert sauces, condiments and jams; You can buy some of their products at Raleys. All of Walden Farms products are calorie free, fat free and carb free.....I love their ranch dressing, their strawberry jam spread, their peanut butter spread and their marshmallow dip. I actually have the girls at The Country Store, in Sonora, order whatever I want....The items they sell are on the pricey side, but a little goes a long way! I wasn't fond of their ketchup or barbeque sauce and their chocolate sauce was so-so....It's nice to be able to have jam on my flax muffin, in the morning.
Okay, well on with the good stuff.......
I am reading Neva Coyle's Free to Be Thin and applying the principles to my weight loss journey.....I cannot use her food plan, because my body just doesn't do well with a low-fat, carbohydrate rich diet. I can though, use her principles......
What do you treasure?
I've had to think about that a lot, lately! Food has always been a big fat treasure chest for me.....I love to touch it, cook with it, eat it and serve it to my friends and family......When I was unhappy, food would cheer me.......When I was lonely, food kept me company.....When I was bored, food gave me something to do.....When I needed praise or recognition or acceptance, food was the vehicle.....I lived for food! You know what though....food didn't live for me! It never dried my tears, never completely soothed my mind or calmed my fears....It doesn't keep me safe and it won't ever forgive my sins! Food was my treasure and my false god.
This is what the Bible says about treasures......
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Luke 12:34
My treasure was food!! This was a sobering thing for me to admit! I want to have the heart of Jesus, not a heart of Twinkies......I want to have a heart of worship, not a heart of Sonic Cheeseburgers...... I want a heart of praise, not a heart of jelly donuts!! Not only was food killing me, it was keeping me from a deeper relationship with my Heavenly Father. I used to think that I was doing okay in my walk.....I had my challenges, but who doesn't? But, in reality, I had a huge stronghold built up with bricks made by Betty Crocker and McDonalds......
I have been in this place before!!
Last year, I did really well, with the Atkins program and working out, but I traded all my hard work for take-out and let the devil convince me that I was happy how I was. That stronghold tower that I have been building, all my life, was never destroyed completely.....I just started adding bricks and the higher it got, the deeper I fell, into the pit! Only coming out to add more bricks, I resolved in my mind, that I was just going to have to accept this as how I was....That nothing would ever help and that I was not worthy enough, not even to myself, to ever even try. I was a failure.....I was a horrible wife, a bad mother, a terrible friend.....Every condemnation that Satan whispered in my ear, I believed! I've been hearing negative things about myself, since I was eight years old, why should things change? I was doomed and I accepted that!! I was devastated, but couldn't reach out.....The stronghold I was building was reinforced with pride and with shame......
This morning, while sitting on my stoop, looking out at the beauty of the morning, I realized something. I am a treasure!! I am God's treasure.......His gold, His jewels!! He loved me so much that He sacrificed His only Son, to save me! So that I would shine, in His glory! Not tarnish......So that He would never have to live, without me, instead of burying me in the sand and forgetting me. Today, I had to seriously look at where my treasure lies......It lies in my salvation! In the matchless grace of Jesus.....It is my need to serve others.....It's in the hearts of my husband and my daughter......It's in the way I love and the things I say and do.......
I am now striving to free myself of the burden of food! I am learning to eat to live and not live to eat.....I am learning that people will like me or they won't....a chocolate cake isn't going to change that.....I am learning that the words of condemnation I've lived with are just a weapon of the enemy, to kill, steal and destroy.....I am learning to pray about the choices I make, before I make them and to listen to the voice of my Savior......and I am learning to believe that there is a worthy treasure, here in my heart.....
Today has been a perfect day, for me.....I hope it was for you, as well. I wish you all my best and I'll see you on the flip side.....Love each other as He loves.....
I will stumble, I will fall down, but I will not be moved. I will make mistakes, I will face heartache, but I will not be moved....On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand....I will not be moved.
-Natalie Grant
In Him....
Lisa
I apologize for the late post.....Mark is on nights, this week and I had some things to do, this afternoon....Then with making dinner and eating....So here I am! Bright eyed and bushy tailed!! The muscles in my arms, shoulders and chest are threatening to stage a coup, if I continue to work them out, so I'm in a little bit of pain. I welcome the pain, though, it's a reminder that I was faithful in my commitment to working out, everyday! I am feeling really good!! I have stayed on my food plan for almost three days, now and my appetite has calmed, quite a bit, along with my mood. This evening, I discovered the joys of jicama. Jicama is part of the radish family....When you see it in the grocery, it's ugly...the size of a softball and covered in a rustic tan peel. Lemme tell ya, this stuff is good. Crunchy and slightly sweet, it really made my boring "shrubbery" salad come alive. I really want to go and eat the rest of it, but I'm learning self control, so I have to put it away and save it, to enjoy another day! I want to tell you, also, about a company called Walden Farms.....They make things like salad dressings, dessert sauces, condiments and jams; You can buy some of their products at Raleys. All of Walden Farms products are calorie free, fat free and carb free.....I love their ranch dressing, their strawberry jam spread, their peanut butter spread and their marshmallow dip. I actually have the girls at The Country Store, in Sonora, order whatever I want....The items they sell are on the pricey side, but a little goes a long way! I wasn't fond of their ketchup or barbeque sauce and their chocolate sauce was so-so....It's nice to be able to have jam on my flax muffin, in the morning.
Okay, well on with the good stuff.......
I am reading Neva Coyle's Free to Be Thin and applying the principles to my weight loss journey.....I cannot use her food plan, because my body just doesn't do well with a low-fat, carbohydrate rich diet. I can though, use her principles......
What do you treasure?
I've had to think about that a lot, lately! Food has always been a big fat treasure chest for me.....I love to touch it, cook with it, eat it and serve it to my friends and family......When I was unhappy, food would cheer me.......When I was lonely, food kept me company.....When I was bored, food gave me something to do.....When I needed praise or recognition or acceptance, food was the vehicle.....I lived for food! You know what though....food didn't live for me! It never dried my tears, never completely soothed my mind or calmed my fears....It doesn't keep me safe and it won't ever forgive my sins! Food was my treasure and my false god.
This is what the Bible says about treasures......
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Luke 12:34
My treasure was food!! This was a sobering thing for me to admit! I want to have the heart of Jesus, not a heart of Twinkies......I want to have a heart of worship, not a heart of Sonic Cheeseburgers...... I want a heart of praise, not a heart of jelly donuts!! Not only was food killing me, it was keeping me from a deeper relationship with my Heavenly Father. I used to think that I was doing okay in my walk.....I had my challenges, but who doesn't? But, in reality, I had a huge stronghold built up with bricks made by Betty Crocker and McDonalds......
I have been in this place before!!
Last year, I did really well, with the Atkins program and working out, but I traded all my hard work for take-out and let the devil convince me that I was happy how I was. That stronghold tower that I have been building, all my life, was never destroyed completely.....I just started adding bricks and the higher it got, the deeper I fell, into the pit! Only coming out to add more bricks, I resolved in my mind, that I was just going to have to accept this as how I was....That nothing would ever help and that I was not worthy enough, not even to myself, to ever even try. I was a failure.....I was a horrible wife, a bad mother, a terrible friend.....Every condemnation that Satan whispered in my ear, I believed! I've been hearing negative things about myself, since I was eight years old, why should things change? I was doomed and I accepted that!! I was devastated, but couldn't reach out.....The stronghold I was building was reinforced with pride and with shame......
This morning, while sitting on my stoop, looking out at the beauty of the morning, I realized something. I am a treasure!! I am God's treasure.......His gold, His jewels!! He loved me so much that He sacrificed His only Son, to save me! So that I would shine, in His glory! Not tarnish......So that He would never have to live, without me, instead of burying me in the sand and forgetting me. Today, I had to seriously look at where my treasure lies......It lies in my salvation! In the matchless grace of Jesus.....It is my need to serve others.....It's in the hearts of my husband and my daughter......It's in the way I love and the things I say and do.......
I am now striving to free myself of the burden of food! I am learning to eat to live and not live to eat.....I am learning that people will like me or they won't....a chocolate cake isn't going to change that.....I am learning that the words of condemnation I've lived with are just a weapon of the enemy, to kill, steal and destroy.....I am learning to pray about the choices I make, before I make them and to listen to the voice of my Savior......and I am learning to believe that there is a worthy treasure, here in my heart.....
Today has been a perfect day, for me.....I hope it was for you, as well. I wish you all my best and I'll see you on the flip side.....Love each other as He loves.....
I will stumble, I will fall down, but I will not be moved. I will make mistakes, I will face heartache, but I will not be moved....On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand....I will not be moved.
-Natalie Grant
In Him....
Lisa
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Today I will Celebrate
Good afternoon, my friends,
Today I am struck with the need to celebrate! I'm joyful today and I just had to share that!! Our God is really an awesome God!
Psalm 30:11
You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
Those of you who know me, know that I am more of an Eeyore, always looking for the gray clouds and the rain.....I want to be a Tigger....So overcome with the joy of the Lord, that I bounce! Well, not literally, bouncing for me, gives a whole new meaning to the words "Shake, Rattle and Roll". I want to be the kind of person who inspires others to find the joy......In this world, with the economy and the state of our lives, homes and families, it's hard to find joy! Trust me, it's there, you just have to believe and look for it. For me, as a submissive wife and mother, joy is getting Mark ready for work....Making sure his lunch is made, his clothes are clean and his coffee is perked. It's being here for Mariah, when she arrives home from school, making her dinner and listening to her, when she has something to say.....To me, joy is serving others, seeing to the needs of the ones I love, so that their lives are full and they lack for nothing. And though there are days when I just don't feel it, there is joy in dirty dishes and piles of laundry. We just need to have the right perspective. The Bible says to count it all joy! ALL? Yes, all....
God is really impressing on me, today to look at everything in my life with joy! Really God? Everything? Yep! Everything!! Okay, Okay "Joy to the dishes the soap has come"
.....and not only does God want me to find joy in everything, but I have to celebrate it, too.....
Wait a daggone minute, here! You mean I have to celebrate, too?? Yup!! What could there possibly be to celebrate about washing dishes.....Praise the Lord, I have dishpan hands? Somebody call Madge the Manicurist!! Perspective, here Lisa! Find the joy!!
Okay, lets put this into joy's perspective......You have a family, who gathers at your table and fills their empty tummies with food from those dishes at the same time, they're filling their spirits with the love that you give while preparing and serving that food.....You are surrounded by those who love and need you. That's joy......I remember watching my grandmother wash her dishes and clean her house, when I was young.....She always sang hymns, while she went about her chores.....She was joyful and she celebrated by praising the Lord, even in the midst of dirty dishes, carpet sweepers and Windex.
Joy and Celebration, that's what life is all about! Imagine what the world would be like, if we all found joy in the things that we have to do each day.....How many lives would be changed? How many frowns would become smiles? What would it be like if all our crying was transformed into dancing? Jesus is that Joy! When we give our lives and hearts over to Jesus and are one with His plan and purpose for our lives, then that joy just bubbles out...affecting everything we say, do, think and feel. It's as if the morning has a whole new meaning!! A brand new day of celebration and joy!!
For me, today, joy is staying on my food plan!! It's getting out of the house and driving down to the gym to exercise, even though I am sore from yesterday's exercise and would really rather stay here, in front of the computer......It's believing in God enough to believe in myself and give myself credit, where credit is due! I'm celebrating rebirth.....forgiveness...salvation....and the love of God!
Join me today.....Be joyful, Celebrate.....Change your perspective! Love each other as He loves.....
I've got the joy, joy, joy down in my heart.......
In Him,
Lisa
Today I am struck with the need to celebrate! I'm joyful today and I just had to share that!! Our God is really an awesome God!
Psalm 30:11
You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
Those of you who know me, know that I am more of an Eeyore, always looking for the gray clouds and the rain.....I want to be a Tigger....So overcome with the joy of the Lord, that I bounce! Well, not literally, bouncing for me, gives a whole new meaning to the words "Shake, Rattle and Roll". I want to be the kind of person who inspires others to find the joy......In this world, with the economy and the state of our lives, homes and families, it's hard to find joy! Trust me, it's there, you just have to believe and look for it. For me, as a submissive wife and mother, joy is getting Mark ready for work....Making sure his lunch is made, his clothes are clean and his coffee is perked. It's being here for Mariah, when she arrives home from school, making her dinner and listening to her, when she has something to say.....To me, joy is serving others, seeing to the needs of the ones I love, so that their lives are full and they lack for nothing. And though there are days when I just don't feel it, there is joy in dirty dishes and piles of laundry. We just need to have the right perspective. The Bible says to count it all joy! ALL? Yes, all....
James 1:2-4 (New King James Version)
My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.God is really impressing on me, today to look at everything in my life with joy! Really God? Everything? Yep! Everything!! Okay, Okay "Joy to the dishes the soap has come"
.....and not only does God want me to find joy in everything, but I have to celebrate it, too.....
Wait a daggone minute, here! You mean I have to celebrate, too?? Yup!! What could there possibly be to celebrate about washing dishes.....Praise the Lord, I have dishpan hands? Somebody call Madge the Manicurist!! Perspective, here Lisa! Find the joy!!
Okay, lets put this into joy's perspective......You have a family, who gathers at your table and fills their empty tummies with food from those dishes at the same time, they're filling their spirits with the love that you give while preparing and serving that food.....You are surrounded by those who love and need you. That's joy......I remember watching my grandmother wash her dishes and clean her house, when I was young.....She always sang hymns, while she went about her chores.....She was joyful and she celebrated by praising the Lord, even in the midst of dirty dishes, carpet sweepers and Windex.
Joy and Celebration, that's what life is all about! Imagine what the world would be like, if we all found joy in the things that we have to do each day.....How many lives would be changed? How many frowns would become smiles? What would it be like if all our crying was transformed into dancing? Jesus is that Joy! When we give our lives and hearts over to Jesus and are one with His plan and purpose for our lives, then that joy just bubbles out...affecting everything we say, do, think and feel. It's as if the morning has a whole new meaning!! A brand new day of celebration and joy!!
For me, today, joy is staying on my food plan!! It's getting out of the house and driving down to the gym to exercise, even though I am sore from yesterday's exercise and would really rather stay here, in front of the computer......It's believing in God enough to believe in myself and give myself credit, where credit is due! I'm celebrating rebirth.....forgiveness...salvation....and the love of God!
Join me today.....Be joyful, Celebrate.....Change your perspective! Love each other as He loves.....
I've got the joy, joy, joy down in my heart.......
In Him,
Lisa
Monday, January 24, 2011
Finding my own Everest....
Good Evening, Webbie Friends.....
It's been a while I know and I apologize for that!! I have been at war within myself for the past six weeks or so! I have been outta touch with just about everyone in my life....My self imposed exile has taught me a thing or two about my life. Number one...I am not a failure. Number two....losing a friend hurts more than a thousand beatings. Number three....You have to start somewhere. To those of you who I might have hurt, in our time apart, I am sorry and I ask your forgiveness! I am not going to explain to you, what brought on my heartache.....those of you closest to me, already know and I am trying to put the whole fiasco behind me, where it belongs. It takes time and patience, but I'll get there....a journey of a million miles still starts with one single step!
Here's what I have to say......
Number one.....I am not a failure!!
For as long as I can remember, when I think of my childhood and early adulthood, I was told that I was a failure, that I'd never amount to anything and that I would always be a failure. I heard this from my parents, my siblings and my grandparents. Tell me, how can a person believe in themselves, when all that's been pounded into their heads for so long, was how horrible they are and how much of a screw up, they've become (were/are/will be)? The odds are not good!! I began to believe that about myself!! Every time I cheated on my food plan, every time I didn't exercise or go to the gym, every day my house remained a sloppy mess.....I was a failure, doomed to live the rest of my life, the way my family predicted! I believed them. I let them steal my joy from me...my hope, my dreams... So, this past spring, I gave up! If I can't stay on my food plan, why even try? If I can't remember to get to the gym or exercise, even a little, why even worry about it? I was content to let my diabetes take my life, little by little and the eventual result would be me, going to heaven to live in paradise, without any reminders of how much of a failure I'd been, in my earthly life! Well, me out of control where food is involved, is not a pretty picture! I've gained over 60 lbs......In less than a year!! I hated myself for it! In my mind, I was the most disgusting creature ever created!! I have seen the end results of women giving up, in my family.....It's not a pretty or pleasant picture! It's painful and it's sad. It causes other people to hurt! The other day, I came across this scripture....“But forget all that—it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland."Isaiah 43:18-19 (NLT) I have to forget? Really God? You want me to forget? Can I forget? Am I willing to let go of the excuses I use to not have faith and strength? Lemme tell you friends, when you seek, with an open heart, God will provide you with those open doors......This is a pretty cut and dried commandment!! I've realized that I don't have to be a failure...That God doesn't see that, in me....He sees only my potential! So from today forward, I say Get thee behind me, failure....You're not living in my house, anymore! I wash my hands of your memory and I forget how you've made me feel. God said it and I believe it and that settles it for me!!
Number Two....Losing a friend hurts more than a thousand beatings!
This holiday season, I lost a friend! Not lost as in they moved away or passed away...Lost as in we argued, words were said in anger and out of hurt and frustration and we parted. When I realized what I'd done, I wrote my friend a card, apologizing, asking forgiveness and granting forgiveness.....I had really hoped that my dear friend would respond, even if only by written word....But she hasn't and I miss her, so very much! Apparently, I was not important enough to her....That she doesn't love me as I love her. Pray for me, as I continue to grieve over the loss of my sister in Christ. She is still dear to me and that place in my heart that was her, will always feel empty. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NIV Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
Number 3....You have to start somewhere.....
Today, I set out, once again, to climb my Everest. My weight bothers me and it keeps me from doing and being everything God has planned for me. I am an addict! I am addicted to food! Like narcotics and illegal drugs, food is poison to me. Well, not all food, but a big part of the food I love, as a diabetic, is!! It calls to me....It lies to me....It makes me believe that it's my friend and will cure all of my hurts....I don't mean talking Twinkies, but you get my drift.... I have seen the devastating effect of gravid obesity first hand! It kills...slowly and painfully. Society is not kind to fat people, either! People stare, make hurtful comments, pass judgment and discriminate. I know that God accepts me, for who I am....and I know that there are people in my life, who love me fat, skinny or purple with green spots sporting two heads and a peg leg.....My beautiful and talented friend Laura.....my angel Bebe.....my outspoken sister in Christ Pat....My wonderful husband and my daughter.....my purloined older brother, Pastor Dave.....my soul sister Gloria...My oldest and dearest friend Rosemary. My weight only describes me, it does not define me!! I am strong and passionate about my place in the world....I am willful and stubborn, I love to sing and listen to people's stories! I love deeply and forgive quickly.....I love to smile and laugh and make other people smile and laugh! Like Transformers, I am more than meets the eye! My friends, it is time! This is not what God has planned for me and I'm only interested in His best, for me and my life and the lives of those who will be touched by mine! I'm back to low carbing the Atkins way.....I stayed on plan, perfectly, today (Yay me!) and I went back to the gym, this afternoon. I only stayed for a half an hour, but I went and that's what's most important! This is my Everest. The tallest and most treacherous mountain I will ever climb....the most harrowing journey I will ever take!! This may be a climb for me, but the view's great and in the end, I will touch the top of the world!!
Everything around here is great!! Mark is working the night shift this week, so it's just Mariah and myself here, in the evening. I like the quiet and the opportunity to spend quality time with my daughter. She is so full of light and mirth, she makes my heart happy....she makes my feet want to dance!! God has blessed our family abundantly and I continue to praise Him with honest thanksgiving, for everything He's blessed us with....Thankfully, the bills are almost all caught up!! Mark is still in love with his job!! He calls it his dream job, the job he's waited his whole life to have! I am so very proud of him and his accomplishments! For the first time in a long time, we are taking a family trip....At the end of February, we are going to spend the weekend in Midpines at the Yosemite Bug Rustic Mountain Resort....My good friends Shay and Michael Black (two of the three Black Brothers...) will be playing (they're Irish folk musicians) at The Irish Fest Weekend, held there, at the resort! We're all looking forward to that....I hope there's not too much snow! Mark and Mariah both have birthdays next month, so we decided to take a trip to celebrate! We haven't had the opportunity to see Shay and Michael since the Calaveras Celtic Faire in 2007.
I apologize if I've been long winded....I'm trying desperately to become undiscombobulated and I have a lot on my mind.....Anyhoo, enjoy your evening and love as He loves!!
In Him,
Lisa
It's been a while I know and I apologize for that!! I have been at war within myself for the past six weeks or so! I have been outta touch with just about everyone in my life....My self imposed exile has taught me a thing or two about my life. Number one...I am not a failure. Number two....losing a friend hurts more than a thousand beatings. Number three....You have to start somewhere. To those of you who I might have hurt, in our time apart, I am sorry and I ask your forgiveness! I am not going to explain to you, what brought on my heartache.....those of you closest to me, already know and I am trying to put the whole fiasco behind me, where it belongs. It takes time and patience, but I'll get there....a journey of a million miles still starts with one single step!
Here's what I have to say......
Number one.....I am not a failure!!
For as long as I can remember, when I think of my childhood and early adulthood, I was told that I was a failure, that I'd never amount to anything and that I would always be a failure. I heard this from my parents, my siblings and my grandparents. Tell me, how can a person believe in themselves, when all that's been pounded into their heads for so long, was how horrible they are and how much of a screw up, they've become (were/are/will be)? The odds are not good!! I began to believe that about myself!! Every time I cheated on my food plan, every time I didn't exercise or go to the gym, every day my house remained a sloppy mess.....I was a failure, doomed to live the rest of my life, the way my family predicted! I believed them. I let them steal my joy from me...my hope, my dreams... So, this past spring, I gave up! If I can't stay on my food plan, why even try? If I can't remember to get to the gym or exercise, even a little, why even worry about it? I was content to let my diabetes take my life, little by little and the eventual result would be me, going to heaven to live in paradise, without any reminders of how much of a failure I'd been, in my earthly life! Well, me out of control where food is involved, is not a pretty picture! I've gained over 60 lbs......In less than a year!! I hated myself for it! In my mind, I was the most disgusting creature ever created!! I have seen the end results of women giving up, in my family.....It's not a pretty or pleasant picture! It's painful and it's sad. It causes other people to hurt! The other day, I came across this scripture....“But forget all that—it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland."Isaiah 43:18-19 (NLT) I have to forget? Really God? You want me to forget? Can I forget? Am I willing to let go of the excuses I use to not have faith and strength? Lemme tell you friends, when you seek, with an open heart, God will provide you with those open doors......This is a pretty cut and dried commandment!! I've realized that I don't have to be a failure...That God doesn't see that, in me....He sees only my potential! So from today forward, I say Get thee behind me, failure....You're not living in my house, anymore! I wash my hands of your memory and I forget how you've made me feel. God said it and I believe it and that settles it for me!!
Number Two....Losing a friend hurts more than a thousand beatings!
This holiday season, I lost a friend! Not lost as in they moved away or passed away...Lost as in we argued, words were said in anger and out of hurt and frustration and we parted. When I realized what I'd done, I wrote my friend a card, apologizing, asking forgiveness and granting forgiveness.....I had really hoped that my dear friend would respond, even if only by written word....But she hasn't and I miss her, so very much! Apparently, I was not important enough to her....That she doesn't love me as I love her. Pray for me, as I continue to grieve over the loss of my sister in Christ. She is still dear to me and that place in my heart that was her, will always feel empty. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NIV Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
Number 3....You have to start somewhere.....
Today, I set out, once again, to climb my Everest. My weight bothers me and it keeps me from doing and being everything God has planned for me. I am an addict! I am addicted to food! Like narcotics and illegal drugs, food is poison to me. Well, not all food, but a big part of the food I love, as a diabetic, is!! It calls to me....It lies to me....It makes me believe that it's my friend and will cure all of my hurts....I don't mean talking Twinkies, but you get my drift.... I have seen the devastating effect of gravid obesity first hand! It kills...slowly and painfully. Society is not kind to fat people, either! People stare, make hurtful comments, pass judgment and discriminate. I know that God accepts me, for who I am....and I know that there are people in my life, who love me fat, skinny or purple with green spots sporting two heads and a peg leg.....My beautiful and talented friend Laura.....my angel Bebe.....my outspoken sister in Christ Pat....My wonderful husband and my daughter.....my purloined older brother, Pastor Dave.....my soul sister Gloria...My oldest and dearest friend Rosemary. My weight only describes me, it does not define me!! I am strong and passionate about my place in the world....I am willful and stubborn, I love to sing and listen to people's stories! I love deeply and forgive quickly.....I love to smile and laugh and make other people smile and laugh! Like Transformers, I am more than meets the eye! My friends, it is time! This is not what God has planned for me and I'm only interested in His best, for me and my life and the lives of those who will be touched by mine! I'm back to low carbing the Atkins way.....I stayed on plan, perfectly, today (Yay me!) and I went back to the gym, this afternoon. I only stayed for a half an hour, but I went and that's what's most important! This is my Everest. The tallest and most treacherous mountain I will ever climb....the most harrowing journey I will ever take!! This may be a climb for me, but the view's great and in the end, I will touch the top of the world!!
Everything around here is great!! Mark is working the night shift this week, so it's just Mariah and myself here, in the evening. I like the quiet and the opportunity to spend quality time with my daughter. She is so full of light and mirth, she makes my heart happy....she makes my feet want to dance!! God has blessed our family abundantly and I continue to praise Him with honest thanksgiving, for everything He's blessed us with....Thankfully, the bills are almost all caught up!! Mark is still in love with his job!! He calls it his dream job, the job he's waited his whole life to have! I am so very proud of him and his accomplishments! For the first time in a long time, we are taking a family trip....At the end of February, we are going to spend the weekend in Midpines at the Yosemite Bug Rustic Mountain Resort....My good friends Shay and Michael Black (two of the three Black Brothers...) will be playing (they're Irish folk musicians) at The Irish Fest Weekend, held there, at the resort! We're all looking forward to that....I hope there's not too much snow! Mark and Mariah both have birthdays next month, so we decided to take a trip to celebrate! We haven't had the opportunity to see Shay and Michael since the Calaveras Celtic Faire in 2007.
I apologize if I've been long winded....I'm trying desperately to become undiscombobulated and I have a lot on my mind.....Anyhoo, enjoy your evening and love as He loves!!
In Him,
Lisa
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
A TIME FOR TOUCHING HOME.....
Good Morning, blessed friends and family......
Guess what?
It's raining again! Whoo Hoo!! NOT!!
Don't get me wrong, I love the rain! But see, I have to go out and drive in it, today and if you want instant idiots, all you have to do is add water!! Thankfully, my errands are all in Sonora....I don't even wanna think about what it's like in the Valley or beyond! At least my list of errands is not lengthy....a trip to the Grocery Outlet and then a bit of shopping at one of my favorite thrift stores....Then I can come home and start my holiday baking.....At least my house will be warm, this afternoon.
Mariah was talking to her mom on the phone, yesterday and it was 80 degrees in her part of Texas and Mariah and I were both jealous! Then again, I think I'd rather have my amber hills and green grass over 80 degrees in winter, flat terrain and sagebrush, any day, thank-you very much.......
Christmas is almost here.....Is everybody ready? I'm not....but I will be and things will be good!! Mark is off work, on Friday and for the first time, in 10 1/2 years together, we won't have to rush and rush to get to Grams for our Christmas Eve gathering. That's going to be nice. For a lot of years, I worked retail at Christmas time and would watch people rush and rush.Christmas
should not be a time for rushing. It should be a time for touching home. The home of our youth, the home of our hearts and the home of our time yet to come.....The home of my youth, at Christmas time, was always busy.....My father loved to bake and at Christmas time, he did that a lot....The Christmas tree was always brightly lit. I remember waking up on Christmas Day and because our house was so small, I could look down the hall and see the reflection of the lights from the Christmas tree and I could hear Daddy laying a fire in the fireplace, so we would all be warm. That's when I knew it was okay to get up......Christmas time in the home of my heart is quite different.....Our house is still small....smaller even, than the house I grew up in. There is still much baking going on, in the days before Christmas, but we take things slower, around here. We don't like to rush and rush......When we were first married, we would drive to the Bay Area on Christmas Eve, celebrate and then drive all the way home, just to get up and do it all over again, on Christmas morning. We don't do that nowadays......We are content to celebrate with my family on Christmas Eve and then on Christmas Day, we hang around, here at home....we might go see a movie and then I cook a very traditional Christmas Dinner. We take the time to remember why we celebrate Christmas......the birth of a tiny baby, who would die to save us.....We give thanks for the ultimate gift of love, so freely given by God, just because He loves us and couldn't bear to live without us! I never treasured that gift as much as I do, now.....Christmas was about the tangible things we presented to one another...the useless frippery tied in pretty ribbons and colorful paper.....And Lord forbid if we didn't get what we wanted or asked for.......Back to the store, the next day! I've remembered what God did for us, on Christmas, since childhood....But I didn't treasure it until I saw "The Passion"....Seeing a real depiction of what Christ went through, as a human man meant for a divine purpose really struck me hard......I just never realized! It's now an honor, to get up, on Christmas morning and just say Thank-you Jesus, for coming to save me.....I am so not worthy, but thank-you for loving me, anyway.....Imagine, the love of God sent from paradise to live a human life, wrapped up in a tiny baby, cradled in a mother's arms.....protected by a human father.....How can you not celebrate this? I was helping my friend and her mother decorate their house, for Christmas, a few years back and I asked her why she didn't have a creche and she answered, telling me she liked to keep the religion out of Christmas.......Huh? I can't wait to spend a Christmas in Heaven. I'm going to sit on a cloud and listen to God sing.....I'm going to get to hear the angel choir, firsthand! No more useless frippery.....No more disappointed relatives.....No more nasty fruitcake!! I think Michael Card sums it up, for me....In his song "The Final Word"...makes me cry every time I hear it.....Here's the lyrics.....
You and me we use so very many clumsy words.
The noise of what we often say is not worth being heard.
When the Father's wisdom wanted to communicate His love,
He spoke it in one final perfect Word.
He spoke the incarnation, and then so was born a Son.
His final word was Jesus, He needed no other one.
Spoke flesh and blood so He could bleed and make a way Divine.
And so was born the baby who would die to make it mine.
And so the Father's fondest thought became flesh and bone.
He spoke the living luminous word, at once His will was done.
And so the transformation that in man had been unheard,
Took place in God the Father as he spoke that final Word.
And so the Light became alive and manna became Man.
Eternity stepped into time so we could understand.
Here's the YouTube link.....The video is kinda crummy, but turn the monitor off and listen to the song......
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_idg5Xxy6kE
Powerful, powerful words....
Well the time is come and I must get on with my day.....I will post again, before Christmas, so no final wishes now.....
Go out in the rain, today.....Jump in a puddle....Dance....Feel the love of God, as it pours down from heaven and then go inside and drink a cup of hot cocoa......Love each other as He loves, smile much, laugh often and love completely.....
Have a great day,
In Him
Lisa
Guess what?
It's raining again! Whoo Hoo!! NOT!!
Don't get me wrong, I love the rain! But see, I have to go out and drive in it, today and if you want instant idiots, all you have to do is add water!! Thankfully, my errands are all in Sonora....I don't even wanna think about what it's like in the Valley or beyond! At least my list of errands is not lengthy....a trip to the Grocery Outlet and then a bit of shopping at one of my favorite thrift stores....Then I can come home and start my holiday baking.....At least my house will be warm, this afternoon.
Mariah was talking to her mom on the phone, yesterday and it was 80 degrees in her part of Texas and Mariah and I were both jealous! Then again, I think I'd rather have my amber hills and green grass over 80 degrees in winter, flat terrain and sagebrush, any day, thank-you very much.......
Christmas is almost here.....Is everybody ready? I'm not....but I will be and things will be good!! Mark is off work, on Friday and for the first time, in 10 1/2 years together, we won't have to rush and rush to get to Grams for our Christmas Eve gathering. That's going to be nice. For a lot of years, I worked retail at Christmas time and would watch people rush and rush.Christmas
should not be a time for rushing. It should be a time for touching home. The home of our youth, the home of our hearts and the home of our time yet to come.....The home of my youth, at Christmas time, was always busy.....My father loved to bake and at Christmas time, he did that a lot....The Christmas tree was always brightly lit. I remember waking up on Christmas Day and because our house was so small, I could look down the hall and see the reflection of the lights from the Christmas tree and I could hear Daddy laying a fire in the fireplace, so we would all be warm. That's when I knew it was okay to get up......Christmas time in the home of my heart is quite different.....Our house is still small....smaller even, than the house I grew up in. There is still much baking going on, in the days before Christmas, but we take things slower, around here. We don't like to rush and rush......When we were first married, we would drive to the Bay Area on Christmas Eve, celebrate and then drive all the way home, just to get up and do it all over again, on Christmas morning. We don't do that nowadays......We are content to celebrate with my family on Christmas Eve and then on Christmas Day, we hang around, here at home....we might go see a movie and then I cook a very traditional Christmas Dinner. We take the time to remember why we celebrate Christmas......the birth of a tiny baby, who would die to save us.....We give thanks for the ultimate gift of love, so freely given by God, just because He loves us and couldn't bear to live without us! I never treasured that gift as much as I do, now.....Christmas was about the tangible things we presented to one another...the useless frippery tied in pretty ribbons and colorful paper.....And Lord forbid if we didn't get what we wanted or asked for.......Back to the store, the next day! I've remembered what God did for us, on Christmas, since childhood....But I didn't treasure it until I saw "The Passion"....Seeing a real depiction of what Christ went through, as a human man meant for a divine purpose really struck me hard......I just never realized! It's now an honor, to get up, on Christmas morning and just say Thank-you Jesus, for coming to save me.....I am so not worthy, but thank-you for loving me, anyway.....Imagine, the love of God sent from paradise to live a human life, wrapped up in a tiny baby, cradled in a mother's arms.....protected by a human father.....How can you not celebrate this? I was helping my friend and her mother decorate their house, for Christmas, a few years back and I asked her why she didn't have a creche and she answered, telling me she liked to keep the religion out of Christmas.......Huh? I can't wait to spend a Christmas in Heaven. I'm going to sit on a cloud and listen to God sing.....I'm going to get to hear the angel choir, firsthand! No more useless frippery.....No more disappointed relatives.....No more nasty fruitcake!! I think Michael Card sums it up, for me....In his song "The Final Word"...makes me cry every time I hear it.....Here's the lyrics.....
You and me we use so very many clumsy words.
The noise of what we often say is not worth being heard.
When the Father's wisdom wanted to communicate His love,
He spoke it in one final perfect Word.
He spoke the incarnation, and then so was born a Son.
His final word was Jesus, He needed no other one.
Spoke flesh and blood so He could bleed and make a way Divine.
And so was born the baby who would die to make it mine.
And so the Father's fondest thought became flesh and bone.
He spoke the living luminous word, at once His will was done.
And so the transformation that in man had been unheard,
Took place in God the Father as he spoke that final Word.
And so the Light became alive and manna became Man.
Eternity stepped into time so we could understand.
Here's the YouTube link.....The video is kinda crummy, but turn the monitor off and listen to the song......
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_idg5Xxy6kE
Powerful, powerful words....
Well the time is come and I must get on with my day.....I will post again, before Christmas, so no final wishes now.....
Go out in the rain, today.....Jump in a puddle....Dance....Feel the love of God, as it pours down from heaven and then go inside and drink a cup of hot cocoa......Love each other as He loves, smile much, laugh often and love completely.....
Have a great day,
In Him
Lisa
Monday, December 20, 2010
I'm dreamin' of a wet Christmas,
Just like the one we've got outside,
Where the tree tops'r drippin'
And the blacktop's a glisten'n
Because, it's rainin' cats and dogs......
(Yes, I made that up, all by myself....It's okay, you can laugh, I did)
Well, it's still raining outside!! At least, for the moment, the wind has died down! I love the rain, but I really don't care for the wind. Our house is on top of a hill and we really get whipped around, when the wind kicks up. It puts a damper on the holiday spirit, when you have to worry about chasing your garbage can lids around the neighborhood and having to go out and stand your mailbox up, for the umpteenth time, in the driving rain, just plain stinks.....I guess it's a trade off, though! We have almost zero crime, we have decent neighbors and we're surrounded by the splendor of green grass, tall trees and wildlife.....though if the local wildlife doesn't leave my basil plant alone, I'm seriously thinking depredation.....Really, listening to the wind literally roar, for three days straight kinda gets on my nerves! Right now, I'm thankful for the quiet and the morning and the rain.
Mark got out and on his way early, this morning.....Today starts two weeks of day shifts. He's out at Travis AFB, in Fairfield, learning something new......I can't remember what he said he was learning. He'll be there from 8 am til 2 pm! He loves his new job so so much!! I praise God for that, daily. He was working so hard, with the other job, with little recognition and his pay was so not commensurate with his skill and ability! He's stated time and time again, this is his dream job!
Mariah is off for Christmas Vacation, this week and I'm happy about that! I don't have to be alone, all day! Keep Mariah in your prayers, though.....Next week, she goes back to her mother and step-father in Texas. Her step-father is very hard on her, he teases her about her body and is very sarcastic and childish in his behavior. Our job, as parents, here in our home, has been to foster only positive attitudes towards our daughter. To teach her to be a kind and thoughtful woman....Strong and God fearing!! We only build her up and never ever tease or poke fun.....She has a good home here and we love her for who and what she is! Her family life, there in Texas was totally unsupervised and reprehensible. Thankfully, though, she'll only be gone for the week.....She leaves out on Monday the 27th of December and we'll pick her up at the airport, on New Years Day!
As for me, I am looking forward to getting things ready for our Christmas holiday.....We are going down to the Bay Area, on Christmas Eve, to celebrate, as we usually do, with my family, at my Grandma's....Christmas Day, we're going to hang out, here at home in the morning and then, in the afternoon, we'll go and see a movie....Mariah really wants to see Tangled, the new Disney movie. I don't care what we do, as long as we are together! I haven't started thinking on our Christmas Dinner menu......I figured Mariah and I could do that tomorrow, before we head to the grocery store.....My Christmas Eve baking isn't cemented in stone, either.....I need to talk to my Auntie Michelle to see what the plan is, for the evening.....I'll probably make a huge lasagna and then my usual cookie and brownie tray......My cousin Ginny has to have her snickerdoodles and a death sentence will be handed down if I don't produce Mint Filled Brownies for my sister......I'd really love it if my Uncle David and my Auntie Kay are there, on Christmas Eve.....Out of all of my Aunts and Uncles, they are my favorites!! They are special to me, in so many ways and Christmas Eve isn't as memorable, without them there! There always seems to be something missing!
It's kinda hard to believe that the year is almost gone! Where did the time go? Things have been wonderful, for us, this past year! We've struggled, but the struggles gave way to rejoicing and I'm so thankful! To stand at the fount of God's blessings, is one of the most satisfying places to be. When I look around, I see that we live in a little tiny house (love grows best in little houses) in a little tiny community (Where everybody knows your naaaaaame...) far away from our families (over the highway and through the slums, to grandmother's house we go) and we are happy! We are raising our daughter in a safe place.....We have fresh air and good land. We have the love of God, in abundance and are forever in His care and we have each other. So yes, I am happy, in my little house, where love grows......I am happy in my little community and I am used to everybody knowing my name.....I am happy living on a hill, where the wind whips and the rain comes down and the locals chew on my sadly pathetic basil plant......This is my Beulah!
My thoughts have been kinda all over the place, today.....I'm going to go back to bed and remedy that! Sleep is the best thing for a fractured mind!! Please forgive my mindless wandering and have a wonderful day.....Remember to love as He loves and be kind to one another.....Smile much, laugh often and love like there's no tomorrow......
I love you all, my blessed friends....
In Him,
Lisa
Just like the one we've got outside,
Where the tree tops'r drippin'
And the blacktop's a glisten'n
Because, it's rainin' cats and dogs......
(Yes, I made that up, all by myself....It's okay, you can laugh, I did)
Well, it's still raining outside!! At least, for the moment, the wind has died down! I love the rain, but I really don't care for the wind. Our house is on top of a hill and we really get whipped around, when the wind kicks up. It puts a damper on the holiday spirit, when you have to worry about chasing your garbage can lids around the neighborhood and having to go out and stand your mailbox up, for the umpteenth time, in the driving rain, just plain stinks.....I guess it's a trade off, though! We have almost zero crime, we have decent neighbors and we're surrounded by the splendor of green grass, tall trees and wildlife.....though if the local wildlife doesn't leave my basil plant alone, I'm seriously thinking depredation.....Really, listening to the wind literally roar, for three days straight kinda gets on my nerves! Right now, I'm thankful for the quiet and the morning and the rain.
Mark got out and on his way early, this morning.....Today starts two weeks of day shifts. He's out at Travis AFB, in Fairfield, learning something new......I can't remember what he said he was learning. He'll be there from 8 am til 2 pm! He loves his new job so so much!! I praise God for that, daily. He was working so hard, with the other job, with little recognition and his pay was so not commensurate with his skill and ability! He's stated time and time again, this is his dream job!
Mariah is off for Christmas Vacation, this week and I'm happy about that! I don't have to be alone, all day! Keep Mariah in your prayers, though.....Next week, she goes back to her mother and step-father in Texas. Her step-father is very hard on her, he teases her about her body and is very sarcastic and childish in his behavior. Our job, as parents, here in our home, has been to foster only positive attitudes towards our daughter. To teach her to be a kind and thoughtful woman....Strong and God fearing!! We only build her up and never ever tease or poke fun.....She has a good home here and we love her for who and what she is! Her family life, there in Texas was totally unsupervised and reprehensible. Thankfully, though, she'll only be gone for the week.....She leaves out on Monday the 27th of December and we'll pick her up at the airport, on New Years Day!
As for me, I am looking forward to getting things ready for our Christmas holiday.....We are going down to the Bay Area, on Christmas Eve, to celebrate, as we usually do, with my family, at my Grandma's....Christmas Day, we're going to hang out, here at home in the morning and then, in the afternoon, we'll go and see a movie....Mariah really wants to see Tangled, the new Disney movie. I don't care what we do, as long as we are together! I haven't started thinking on our Christmas Dinner menu......I figured Mariah and I could do that tomorrow, before we head to the grocery store.....My Christmas Eve baking isn't cemented in stone, either.....I need to talk to my Auntie Michelle to see what the plan is, for the evening.....I'll probably make a huge lasagna and then my usual cookie and brownie tray......My cousin Ginny has to have her snickerdoodles and a death sentence will be handed down if I don't produce Mint Filled Brownies for my sister......I'd really love it if my Uncle David and my Auntie Kay are there, on Christmas Eve.....Out of all of my Aunts and Uncles, they are my favorites!! They are special to me, in so many ways and Christmas Eve isn't as memorable, without them there! There always seems to be something missing!
It's kinda hard to believe that the year is almost gone! Where did the time go? Things have been wonderful, for us, this past year! We've struggled, but the struggles gave way to rejoicing and I'm so thankful! To stand at the fount of God's blessings, is one of the most satisfying places to be. When I look around, I see that we live in a little tiny house (love grows best in little houses) in a little tiny community (Where everybody knows your naaaaaame...) far away from our families (over the highway and through the slums, to grandmother's house we go) and we are happy! We are raising our daughter in a safe place.....We have fresh air and good land. We have the love of God, in abundance and are forever in His care and we have each other. So yes, I am happy, in my little house, where love grows......I am happy in my little community and I am used to everybody knowing my name.....I am happy living on a hill, where the wind whips and the rain comes down and the locals chew on my sadly pathetic basil plant......This is my Beulah!
My thoughts have been kinda all over the place, today.....I'm going to go back to bed and remedy that! Sleep is the best thing for a fractured mind!! Please forgive my mindless wandering and have a wonderful day.....Remember to love as He loves and be kind to one another.....Smile much, laugh often and love like there's no tomorrow......
I love you all, my blessed friends....
In Him,
Lisa
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
For the Love of a Momma's Girl.....
Good Evening, my web bound friends and relations.....
Yes, I know it's been far too long, but you know me, I tend to go in spurts.......A spurt here, a spurt there....It's all good, though, because I love you all, whether I'm blogging or not!
Let's catch up a bit, shall we?
Things have been a whirlwind of prayer and rejoicing, here in our home! Mark was laid off from the job he held for over eight years, on November 5th.....Yeah, I know, right before the holidays....that kinda stinks!! I, being the worrisome person that I am, nearly had a triple coronary! But God is faithful and His promises are real! My friend Heather posted on my facebook that where God closes the door, somewhere he opens a window.....a really sweet sentiment from a really wonderful woman of God. I prefer to think of it as God closing the window and opening a door.....A really important door! Mark was home for a month. It was a good month, because I got to have a lot of wonderful time with my husband. A luxury we didn't have, too often, when he was working at the other job. I complained about him being in my hair, but I wouldn't have missed the time, for the world. Well, we applied for Unemployment Benefits and got those, without any problem.....though on Unemployment, we were making over a thousand dollars less that what we were, before. Mark started calling a bunch of people he met, through the other job and found a company called AC3. Within three days, he was interviewed and hired.....Within a week, he was working and loving it. He's making better pay and has better benefits....He's absolutely loving his job and I am so proud of him!! I am also very thankful to my Heavenly Father, for seeing us through the hard times and not ever leaving us to fend for ourselves......Mark and I both clung to Romans 8:28.....believing that God has a plan and a purpose for our lives and our testimony.
Mark is doing really well....He's on the building committee at church and he's also serving as a trustee, too. Recently, he and another church member, painted the floor in the fellowship hall and it looks quite spiffy. He loves getting to spend quality time with Mariah.....
I celebrated another birthday.....I turned plenty-two, this year......Yeah, I went there, sue me!! Life as a wife and mother is really satisfying and enriching for me. I am just in love with my life and my Savior, who makes it all work together for good!! I am ecstatic about finally getting a washing machine....Mark's friend Mike's son moved into a new home and gave us the washer and dryer that were in the unit.....After not having a washing machine, in my house, for over 2 years, it's like a miracle has happened!! I can do one load at a time......Whoo Hoo!!
Mariah is awesome!! She's doing well in school and loves her friends, her church family and spending time with us. She is truly a joy to parent and a joy to watch as she blooms from childhood into womanhood.....I really do stand in awe of her, sometimes. Just when I think she's never listened to a thing I've said, she does something....uses one of my idioms or quotes me verbatim and I have to believe that she truly does belong with us. She's smart and beautiful and she has the sharpest brain, I have ever seen!! She did inform me, though, the she is going to wait til I'm 45, before she starts calling me "Geeze-ette" (the feminine of Geezer...a name she calls her father) and that's a load off of my mind!! Mariah will be going back to Texas, the week after Christmas....to spend New Years with her mother and crew. She's not thrilled with the idea, but she's taking it in stride.....I am glad her mother is going to home the entire week, as I don't think it's good for Mariah to be subject to the scathing nature of her step-father all alone.
With Christmas right on our heels, we are thankful and rejoicing with Him, fully and completely. Though there is little (if any) money to spend on gifts, this year, at least for Mark and myself, we are anxious to spend Christmas Eve in Castro Valley, at Grammy's house. Yes, Mark is getting paid, but all of our bills are behind, including our rent....Praise the Lord we have a wonderful Christian landlord, who is patient and understanding.....Loving even, with us!! While we won't have gifts to open, on Christmas Day, we have the love of each other and the love of our Heavenly Father, who gave us the ultimate gift.....So for us, this year....Christmas will come without packages, boxes or bags and like the Whos down in Whoville, we will still sing and we will still be thankful for the love came down......The true gift of Christmas.
So that's what's been happening, in the past few weeks/months.....
So on with the show.......I had the best dinner and conversation with the worlds best daughter this evening.....We talked about food, we talked about love and we talked about accepting ourselves and each other, without judgment or negativity......Mariah her Daddy's girl.....but she's fast becoming a Momma's Girl, too. Nothing could make me happier....not even winning the lotto!! I finally know what unconditional love feels like, tangibly! It brings to my mind, 1 John 4: 7 and 8......Beloved let us love one another, for love is of God and he who loves is born of God and knows God, for he who does not love does not know God for God is love......This is real unconditional love.....No pretenses, no rules and no guidelines.....It's either a 'you do' or 'you don't' type of situation. I love the simplicity of love, as portrayed in this verse. It's cut and dried, hands tied behind the back, truth....Either you love or you don't know God. Daily, I try to teach Mariah about love......but I blew it, this weekend, when I had an argument in front of her, with someone I never envisioned arguing with.....No, it wasn't Mark, she's used to seeing me argue with him.....What it showed me was that I need to stop putting self first and start putting love first......in discovering this and praying about it, it seems to me, that sometimes, I parade my love around with a clanging cymbal.....Wanting and needing everyone to see and notice, instead of just loving to the bottom of my heart, without any expectation of notice or recognition.....It is my vow to begin loving without pretension......without seeking recognition and just love like He loves....freely and unconditionally......No labor of love is in vain.
Well, our time together, at least in this place, is coming to a close....Please pray for me.....there will be no candlelight Christmas, for me this year and I'm completely torn up about that......I'm pretty much feeling like the song from "The Grinch" called 'Where are you Christmas?' There are just too many things left unsaid and I have to get right, before they can be.....Anyhoo, love each other the way He loves......
In Him,
Lisa
Yes, I know it's been far too long, but you know me, I tend to go in spurts.......A spurt here, a spurt there....It's all good, though, because I love you all, whether I'm blogging or not!
Let's catch up a bit, shall we?
Things have been a whirlwind of prayer and rejoicing, here in our home! Mark was laid off from the job he held for over eight years, on November 5th.....Yeah, I know, right before the holidays....that kinda stinks!! I, being the worrisome person that I am, nearly had a triple coronary! But God is faithful and His promises are real! My friend Heather posted on my facebook that where God closes the door, somewhere he opens a window.....a really sweet sentiment from a really wonderful woman of God. I prefer to think of it as God closing the window and opening a door.....A really important door! Mark was home for a month. It was a good month, because I got to have a lot of wonderful time with my husband. A luxury we didn't have, too often, when he was working at the other job. I complained about him being in my hair, but I wouldn't have missed the time, for the world. Well, we applied for Unemployment Benefits and got those, without any problem.....though on Unemployment, we were making over a thousand dollars less that what we were, before. Mark started calling a bunch of people he met, through the other job and found a company called AC3. Within three days, he was interviewed and hired.....Within a week, he was working and loving it. He's making better pay and has better benefits....He's absolutely loving his job and I am so proud of him!! I am also very thankful to my Heavenly Father, for seeing us through the hard times and not ever leaving us to fend for ourselves......Mark and I both clung to Romans 8:28.....believing that God has a plan and a purpose for our lives and our testimony.
Mark is doing really well....He's on the building committee at church and he's also serving as a trustee, too. Recently, he and another church member, painted the floor in the fellowship hall and it looks quite spiffy. He loves getting to spend quality time with Mariah.....
I celebrated another birthday.....I turned plenty-two, this year......Yeah, I went there, sue me!! Life as a wife and mother is really satisfying and enriching for me. I am just in love with my life and my Savior, who makes it all work together for good!! I am ecstatic about finally getting a washing machine....Mark's friend Mike's son moved into a new home and gave us the washer and dryer that were in the unit.....After not having a washing machine, in my house, for over 2 years, it's like a miracle has happened!! I can do one load at a time......Whoo Hoo!!
Mariah is awesome!! She's doing well in school and loves her friends, her church family and spending time with us. She is truly a joy to parent and a joy to watch as she blooms from childhood into womanhood.....I really do stand in awe of her, sometimes. Just when I think she's never listened to a thing I've said, she does something....uses one of my idioms or quotes me verbatim and I have to believe that she truly does belong with us. She's smart and beautiful and she has the sharpest brain, I have ever seen!! She did inform me, though, the she is going to wait til I'm 45, before she starts calling me "Geeze-ette" (the feminine of Geezer...a name she calls her father) and that's a load off of my mind!! Mariah will be going back to Texas, the week after Christmas....to spend New Years with her mother and crew. She's not thrilled with the idea, but she's taking it in stride.....I am glad her mother is going to home the entire week, as I don't think it's good for Mariah to be subject to the scathing nature of her step-father all alone.
With Christmas right on our heels, we are thankful and rejoicing with Him, fully and completely. Though there is little (if any) money to spend on gifts, this year, at least for Mark and myself, we are anxious to spend Christmas Eve in Castro Valley, at Grammy's house. Yes, Mark is getting paid, but all of our bills are behind, including our rent....Praise the Lord we have a wonderful Christian landlord, who is patient and understanding.....Loving even, with us!! While we won't have gifts to open, on Christmas Day, we have the love of each other and the love of our Heavenly Father, who gave us the ultimate gift.....So for us, this year....Christmas will come without packages, boxes or bags and like the Whos down in Whoville, we will still sing and we will still be thankful for the love came down......The true gift of Christmas.
So that's what's been happening, in the past few weeks/months.....
So on with the show.......I had the best dinner and conversation with the worlds best daughter this evening.....We talked about food, we talked about love and we talked about accepting ourselves and each other, without judgment or negativity......Mariah her Daddy's girl.....but she's fast becoming a Momma's Girl, too. Nothing could make me happier....not even winning the lotto!! I finally know what unconditional love feels like, tangibly! It brings to my mind, 1 John 4: 7 and 8......Beloved let us love one another, for love is of God and he who loves is born of God and knows God, for he who does not love does not know God for God is love......This is real unconditional love.....No pretenses, no rules and no guidelines.....It's either a 'you do' or 'you don't' type of situation. I love the simplicity of love, as portrayed in this verse. It's cut and dried, hands tied behind the back, truth....Either you love or you don't know God. Daily, I try to teach Mariah about love......but I blew it, this weekend, when I had an argument in front of her, with someone I never envisioned arguing with.....No, it wasn't Mark, she's used to seeing me argue with him.....What it showed me was that I need to stop putting self first and start putting love first......in discovering this and praying about it, it seems to me, that sometimes, I parade my love around with a clanging cymbal.....Wanting and needing everyone to see and notice, instead of just loving to the bottom of my heart, without any expectation of notice or recognition.....It is my vow to begin loving without pretension......without seeking recognition and just love like He loves....freely and unconditionally......No labor of love is in vain.
Well, our time together, at least in this place, is coming to a close....Please pray for me.....there will be no candlelight Christmas, for me this year and I'm completely torn up about that......I'm pretty much feeling like the song from "The Grinch" called 'Where are you Christmas?' There are just too many things left unsaid and I have to get right, before they can be.....Anyhoo, love each other the way He loves......
In Him,
Lisa
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)